Monthly Archives: April 2014

From Pokemon Masters to Baby Wranglers and Back Again

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FROM POKEMON MASTERS TO CORPATE AMERICA AND BACK

Opinion Column

BY DRAKE MAHONEY

                Remember the days where Pokémon was all that mattered?  Those  creatures that captured the imaginations of just about every child born in the nineties? Those were the days weren’t they? The days where no one was pregnant, and weed was a thing that you picked at your grandmother’s house on the weekend when you weren’t watching the show that inspired seizures in thousands of children all around the world. You can bet that that didn’t stop them from tuning in the next week though.

I think that for the sake of mankind, we need to go back to the days of Pokémon raising, back to the times where our biggest goals were as simple as collecting badges, and raising Charizard to level 100.  The very theme song of Pokémon illustrates better values than I see demonstrated…

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A journey through the world of Pokemon

The world of Pokémon is more encompassing than that of the Bible.  There has been shows, cards, games, books, manga, and fan fiction relating back to Pokémon, ever since its release in the 90’s.  I myself have been a fan of this phenomon for fifteen years, and have witnessed every facet of this magic as it occurred.  Some of my most powerful memories have happened with my nose in a game boy.  I have defeated team rocket, challenged the Pokémon league, and tamed the great Mewtwo with a greatball (I used my Master Ball on a particularly difficult to catch pidgey).  I have played from generous one all the way to generation six, and I have watched Ash stay the exact same age as I grew older and older. 

When I was little, I used to pray and pray Pokémon to be real.  Instead I had to deal with math.  The world that we live in is a harsher one than that of the Pokémon.  I have been to Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn, all without having to recharge my Gameboy.  I have ridden through the ocean on a sea serpant (disguised as a lapras) and flown through a nation on the back of the bird the size of a pigeon.  To me, the world of Pokémon is just as real as anything else out there, and infinitely better than most anything else.

Human Rights, not Gay Rights

It’s a funny thing how people seem to separate gay rights from basic human rights.  The fact is that people are people regardless of race gender or sexuality.  By denying any of those groups basic rights given to the other sectors of human life, you are committing a grave injustice.  Marriage inequality is a practice rooted in religious texts that are at best silly, and at worst violent and prejudice.  While religion has an important place in the hearts of those that subscribe to it, a place that should not be trivialized, it is nonetheless an entity that should not be considered on a nation wide scale.

I have written a great deal about marriage equality, and in my search, I have seen many comparisons to the times of segregation.  As far as I am concerned, these comparisons are not far off. Segregation was rooted in hatred, and in fear of change, and there is not a single intelligent argument that can be made that that is not exactly what is happening right now.  If you are a strait man or woman, you don’t really deserve a say in how it makes you feel if homosexuals are allowed to marry, because it does not affect you.  I am a strait man, very much in favor of gay marriage, and even my opinion does not really matter.  At the end of the day, I will always be able to marry the person I love.  The same cannot be said of the gay population, and yet theirs are the voices that are being ignored.  If we truly are a cultured society, than it is absolutely essential if we are to ever move forward as a society.  There is no difference between black or white people, just as there is no difference between gay people and strait people.  It is time that we started living that way.

WE LOVE WEED

Dear Everyone,

Hey gang, Otto here to turn you up and then let you down. Weed is the most astounding invention ever made.  I believe that that is a bible quote.  So why is it illegal? I love it, you love it Gandi loved it (maybe) so what monster is bold enough to make it illegal? Dr. Dre.

What?! Is Otto out of his mind? Dr. Dre is trying to keep weed illegal? Of course he is kids! Wake up.  I’m not here to try and blow your asshole out with shocking information, I am here to wake you up to the truth.  Rappers don’t want the weed being legalized, what will they have to sing about? If weed becomes legalized they might as well rap about tylonal

Yeedin Yip Yip and shit,

Love

Otto

YOU DECIDE!

Hello All! Chief Editor of the Daily Dewmont News here to thank you for all your support these last few weeks.  We have heard what you have had to say, and we are grateful for your feedback.  And how do we show our gratitude? By asking for more feedback.

What would you like to see here? We have writers here knowledgeable in college life, comedy, sports, humanism causes, and geek life.  Some of them also like weed.  We can give you anything and everything that you want, but you just need to here it from you first. What will the Daily Dewmont News look like in the weeks to come? You decide!!!

Butt Cracks and Hamburgers

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Dear Everyone,

Today, I saw a man with very low jeans, and seemingly no underwear.  Out of fairness, I will give him the benefit of the doubt, and say that he was wearing, just not in the right place.  I saw every bit of that mans ass crack, with threats of seeing his asshole.  It made me hungry.

Now, to be fair, it was around lunch time, but this particular hunger was a specific one.  After seeing this mans harry sweaty ass, I wanted a hamburger.  I wouldn’t have objected to a little bit of cheese on it either. So with that in mind, I leave you all with this question, what does that say more about, this mans ass, or the hamburgers that I have eaten in the past?

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love

Otto

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Star Wars, Forever Cannon

Recent news that Disney has chosen to erase the already established and beloved cannon of the Star Wars franchise and begin a new has outraged Star Wars fans everywhere.  As a fan of KOTOR, I am particularly troubled by this new development, and want very much to see a movie adaptation of the game that I have spent most of my childhood to now years playing.  However, I am not hear to spill ink in the name of the Old Republic, but instead to say this: They are doing exactly what I would do.

Disney just spent a lot of money.  Billions, like millions, only with a b.  They didn’t pay all of that money to let all these story lines sit on the shelf.  They want to do new things with them, and in order to do that, well…they need to make them new! There is more information about Star Wars out there than there is about the Bible.  To track it all down would be almost impossible. However, so long as it remains in the cannon, it limits Disney in a big bad way.  Unfortunately that means that they had to do away with what we know and love.  Have faith in them, they are rocking the Marvel universe right now.  Here’s the deal, as strange as it is to say, Star Wars is just fiction.  To begin with, it was only ever as real as you wanted it to be, and nothing that the lawyers at Disney say is going to be able to change that.

The Politics of Pokemon

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The Politics of Pokemon

An Ottotastic Musing

I’m on a roll today.  Fresh off a bathroom break, I’m ready to knock another article out of the park.  If you haven’t already read my previous post of the day “I have to pee” please do so immediately.  Otherwise, welcome back. 

Today we will be talking about the politics of Pokémon.  No, not the show featuring the immortal little boy changing the world with a pocket full of balls, today we will be examining the video game about the immortal little boy (or girl you sexist slime) that saves the world with a pocket full of balls.  Like all the reporters here at the Daily Dewmont News, I am quite the fan of the Pokémon series.  I love the movies, I love the cards, I love the show, and I love the video games.  However, what I do not love is the clear…

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Geek Of the Week!

Hello All! Staff editor of the Daily Dewmont News here to let you in on  a new segment in our daily news posts.  Geek of the week! Simply send us a picture, video, or word document expressing to us how you truly are the “Geek of the Week,” and we will honor you on our blog.  Images of cosplay and collections are encouraged, but all realms of geekdom are welcome.  For the sake of fairness, I should mention that our staff is on personal levels most interested in comics, pokemon, yugioh, and Starwars, but all things are welcome. 

Butt Cracks and Hamburgers

Dear Everyone,

Today, I saw a man with very low jeans, and seemingly no underwear.  Out of fairness, I will give him the benefit of the doubt, and say that he was wearing, just not in the right place.  I saw every bit of that mans ass crack, with threats of seeing his asshole.  It made me hungry.

Now, to be fair, it was around lunch time, but this particular hunger was a specific one.  After seeing this mans harry sweaty ass, I wanted a hamburger.  I wouldn’t have objected to a little bit of cheese on it either. So with that in mind, I leave you all with this question, what does that say more about, this mans ass, or the hamburgers that I have eaten in the past?

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love

Otto