Monthly Archives: May 2014

Pokemon: A childhood that never ends

The thing about childhood is that it only ends if you want it to.  Yes the title says “Pokémon,” but that’s just my thing.  It can be anything.  Truthfully, I’m not sure that we ever change all that much, rather the world changes us.  I remember the first time that my friends told me that they didn’t like Pokémon anymore.  I’m pretty sure that I cried.  From that day foreward, I too did not like Pokémon, at least as far as they knew. I was in fifth grade at the time, and it took me almost seven years to get past that.  Now my college dorm is decked out in pokemon shit.  I even have ash kethem sheets.  It feels good to not have to let go of something that had always been so important to me.  So the purpose of this very brief post is to say that there is no shame in liking whatever it is that you may like: only in not being true to yourself.

This is the shit that moves stadiums

Dear Everyone,

Hi! It’s me Otto! Sorry I have been away and all.  The whole thing about it was that I didn’t want to write any more of these stupid fucking articles…but regardless, I am here now to talk about what is most definitely, most honestly the greatest theatre going experience that any non pretentious ass munches will ever experience.  This modern day “Citizen Kane” that I am going on about is of course, “X-Men Days of Future Past.” It took me a long time to figure out what the title meant, long in the sense that I am still trying to figure it out, but a strong understanding of titles is not what makes a good blog, so with that in mind, lets go foreward shall we?
The magnet guy moves a stadium.  I’m not trying to give anything away, although it certainly wont ruin my day if I do, but yeah, the magnet guy moves a stadium.  I don’t know how, and I still aren’t sure exactly why, but that shit happens.  Its awesome.  That is all,

Yeedin yip yip and shit,

Love

Otto

 

 

You are not invisible

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Unfortunately, I think that some of you reading this feel invisible right now.  Maybe you think that no one notices you, and the ones that do don’t care.  It’s a tragedy that things like that happen.  There are seven billion people on this planet, and every single one of them matter (even the republicans).  Sometimes it is hard to feel like you matter.  Believe me, I understand, but the truth is that there isn’t a single person in the world that matters more than you.  Don’t let your head get to big, they don’t matter any less either.  The point is that you are all born the same way, and we all leave the same way as well.  You are not invisiblie, you are beautiful, and completely perfect the way you are.  It’s time for you to start believing that.

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Friend Zone

Friend Zone

By Drake Mahoney

                Listen, most of you don’t want to hear this, but shut up and listen.  There is no friend zone.  There’s simply no such thing.  Friend zone is the thing that guys say when they want to place the blame of their single relationship status on someone else, who in truth doesn’t want to date them.  “But she only dates dicks, and then complains to me about it,” you might say to yourself.  Glad you mentioned it: it doesn’t matter.  You have not been friend zoned, you have been: I only like this person as a friend zoned.  It’s not as catchy but it’s a whole hell of a lot less damaging.

                Why am I mentioning it? I don’t hate down on their luck bachelors, and I am certainly not here to make them feel worse about what they see as their struggles, but I am here to give this culture of misogyny a scolding.  I understand that it hurts when someone doesn’t feel the same way as you do, but that does not mean that that they have made some sort of mistake, or that they have somehow missed the “overwhelmingly obvious fact” that the two of you are meant to be together.  The truth of the matter is that women in our culture have enough going against them as it is, and they need to be allowed to date the way that they want, even if they want to date assholes. 

                Women get scolded for engaging in this “friend zone” thing.  People get mad at them, and judge them for not going for the so called nice guy.  And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that he (or you depending on the perspective of the reader) is absolutely lovely, but this simply can’t continue.  Women are judged on every little thing, including their appearance, diet, and fashion choice.  They can’t be judged on who they date too.

Pokemon Remakes

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I don’t know that there is anything better in life than the sentimentality that old Pokémon games (not counting true love).  When I heard about the Pokémon Ruby and Saphire remakes my heart fluttered.  When I entered Hoenn ten years ago, I’m not sure that I ever left.  Now November can’t come fast enough.  In six months I will be able to drink legally, and the Pokémon remakes will be released.  You can guess which one I am more excited for.  These new graphics from X and Y are astounding.  I cannot wait to see them applied to the games that captured my attention in a big bad way when I was ten.  I can only hope that they stay true to the originals.  I can’t fathom why they ever left the forts behid, they were perhaps my favorite aspect of those old games.  The region itself is beautiful, and…

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Beyonce Poops

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I think that this culture of celebrity worship has gone to far.  To put it simply, I think that it is creepy.  You see these people out there with fifty million followers on twitter.  Fifty million followers! Those are Jesus like numbers.  Not that I would compare the two; Jesus could create wine with his mind, Justin Bieber just spills it after drinking too much.  We pay far too much attention to what is going on in the world of celebrities, and not enough attention to what is going on in the real world that we are living in.  It’s ironic.  Hundreds of African children are kidnapped. and half of you don’t even hear about it, but Justin Bieber announces his retirement (which he wasn’t even goodly enough to actually commit to) and social media explodes.  It’s one of the most deplorable things about our culture, and unfortunately it is…

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A note to Haters, Fans, And Barock Obama

Hey guys! Administrator here to apologize on behalf of us all here at the Daily Dewmont News for our lack of post in the past weeks.  Sometimes life gets in the way, and all of our writers seem to have lives that are ripping from the seams.  Barnibus is in love, Kathy is heartbroken, Otto is…high, April has a family related emergency, and, well that about covers it. It’s been a tremendous few weeks, especially once you factor in all of the exams and such but I would like to assure you that those things are behind us.  Not love or heartbreak, those things tend to linger, but while absence surely does make the heart grow fonder, it is something that we have collectively decided to give up.  Starting next week we intend fully to get the Daily Dewmont News up and running just the way that you have grown accustomed to.  We thank every single one of you for your patience in this matter. 

Pokemon Remakes

I don’t know that there is anything better in life than the sentimentality that old Pokémon games (not counting true love).  When I heard about the Pokémon Ruby and Saphire remakes my heart fluttered.  When I entered Hoenn ten years ago, I’m not sure that I ever left.  Now November can’t come fast enough.  In six months I will be able to drink legally, and the Pokémon remakes will be released.  You can guess which one I am more excited for.  These new graphics from X and Y are astounding.  I cannot wait to see them applied to the games that captured my attention in a big bad way when I was ten.  I can only hope that they stay true to the originals.  I can’t fathom why they ever left the forts behid, they were perhaps my favorite aspect of those old games.  The region itself is beautiful, and unlike some people, I love even the most water logged aspects of it.  There will be now news in this post, only love for a game that is surely going to send me back in time.  Let us know what you think of the new remakes!

Beyonce Poops

I think that this culture of celebrity worship has gone to far.  To put it simply, I think that it is creepy.  You see these people out there with fifty million followers on twitter.  Fifty million followers! Those are Jesus like numbers.  Not that I would compare the two; Jesus could create wine with his mind, Justin Bieber just spills it after drinking too much.  We pay far too much attention to what is going on in the world of celebrities, and not enough attention to what is going on in the real world that we are living in.  It’s ironic.  Hundreds of African children are kidnapped. and half of you don’t even hear about it, but Justin Bieber announces his retirement (which he wasn’t even goodly enough to actually commit to) and social media explodes.  It’s one of the most deplorable things about our culture, and unfortunately it is something that I don’t see changing.  What you all need to realize is that these people are not perfect, and most of them aren’t even decent.  Beyoncé poops just like you, now get over it, and watch the news (just not fox).

College, an american Fallacy

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Dear Everyone,

growing up I had a simple dream, to be a writer.  Then I found out that unless you are Stephen King, you can’t count on making a living that way.   My new dream was to have people stop bothering me about what I was going to do with my life, so I went to college. College, where dreams can come to fruition in the form of unescapable debt, and less than satisfying social interactions.  Yesterday I was in a conversation with a friend that made me realize that college means something different to everyone.  This came to my attention when he mentioned that mentioned that college was for being bisexual.  I thought it was about blowing all your money on laundry and textbooks.

The fact is, school matters about as much as the world decides that it does.  I am pretty sure that I will not need to say the word “parallelogram,”…

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