Murder and Coffee

dailydewmontnews

HEAD OF CAMPUS SERCURITY REPORTED DEAD

By Barnibus Fowley

                Officer Jay Reynolds, head of campus security was announced dead this Tuesday. The announcement was made by the Dewmont Community college official daily publication, The Dewmont Storm.  Reynolds had served the school faithfully for twelve years.  He leaves behind two children, and a grieving widow who could not be reached for comment.

Reynolds passing occurred suddenly and unexpectedly, after a reported “coffee incident” went horribly awry.  This is one of seventeen coffee related tragedies suffered at Dewmont over the past three semesters.

Reynolds was known on campus as the man who solved the great napkin heist of 03, tamed the women’s bull riding team riots in 06, and patched the infamous Dewmont Crack that claimed three students lives.  It goes without saying that he will be truly missed around campus.

When asked about his feelings on the reports of this…

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