Monthly Archives: May 2014

Kim Kardashian And Satan Spawns

The Daily Dewmont News: Stolen

By Barnibus Fowley

                Your own Daily Dewmont News has found itself to be the latest victim of Dewmont’s debauchery.  An anonymous hacker dove into our site several days ago, and dove immediately in to blogging about Kim Kardashian.  While speculation as to whether or not her child “North West,” could be the spawn of Satan captivates most of us here at the Daily Dewmont News, we unfortunately do not consider that to be news.  Fortunately we have regained control of the site, and plan to immediately return to business as usual. We would like to thank you for your patience in this matter, and continued readership.

Debt in the city: I almost called it ‘Sex’

dailydewmontnews

By Drake Mahoney

I thought about calling it sex in the city and forgetting the word play altogether (which is at best mediocre to begin with) because I figured that it was a more intriguing title.  I would venture to guess that more people would care to read about sex than debt, but surprise surprise: once you gave me the honor of your click you would be faced with the same useless nonsense that you are about to encounter now.  Aren’t I lovely?

I suppose that I should be strait foreward, and admit that we won’t really be talking about the city either.  I live in Illinois, with no nearby city to speak of.  I could tell you about the corn, but if your really curious about it, I would refer you to google image over this blog.  Alright, are we all on the same page? Good, let’s talk about…

View original post 160 more words

You are not invisible

Unfortunately, I think that some of you reading this feel invisible right now.  Maybe you think that no one notices you, and the ones that do don’t care.  It’s a tragedy that things like that happen.  There are seven billion people on this planet, and every single one of them matter (even the republicans).  Sometimes it is hard to feel like you matter.  Believe me, I understand, but the truth is that there isn’t a single person in the world that matters more than you.  Don’t let your head get to big, they don’t matter any less either.  The point is that you are all born the same way, and we all leave the same way as well.  You are not invisiblie, you are beautiful, and completely perfect the way you are.  It’s time for you to start believing that.

Psychics and Camera malfunctions

By Barnibus Fowley

Director Paul Durante has hit a snag in his filming at Dewmont.  “You guys steal my camera’s…so often.” With recent set backs, his documentary series “The Dewmont Daze,” will not be released until sometime next winter.  However, Durante assures us that all hope is not lost.  “I’ve gotten a great deal of footage from a young man named Funky who claims to be psychic,” Durante assures us. His three part series “Funky is Psychic,” is to be released in the next few weeks.  Our own Otto and Stirfry are to be featured heavily in the series as well. More to come in the ensuing weeks.

Debt in the city: I almost called it ‘Sex’

By Drake Mahoney

I thought about calling it sex in the city and forgetting the word play altogether (which is at best mediocre to begin with) because I figured that it was a more intriguing title.  I would venture to guess that more people would care to read about sex than debt, but surprise surprise: once you gave me the honor of your click you would be faced with the same useless nonsense that you are about to encounter now.  Aren’t I lovely?

I suppose that I should be strait foreward, and admit that we won’t really be talking about the city either.  I live in Illinois, with no nearby city to speak of.  I could tell you about the corn, but if your really curious about it, I would refer you to google image over this blog.  Alright, are we all on the same page? Good, let’s talk about college.

I don’t know about you, but this whole idea of spending money on college is starting to get under my skin.  It’s sort of silly when you think about it, especially once you take into consideration that European schools don’t pay for their extended education.  The idea is that you can’t get a job unless you go to college, but the truth is, I don’t really want one of those either.  They say that seventy percent of people hate what they do for a living.  Probably because they had to spend eighty thousand dollars to do it. 

I don’t know about you, but the future sounds just as unappealing as the present.  The only thing that sounds worse than this horrendous invevibility is working another day at Dairy Queen, which is sure to be my future should I not continue to pay to be tortured by the looming threat of fractions and history tests.  Life is hard isn’t it?

Murder and Coffee

dailydewmontnews

HEAD OF CAMPUS SERCURITY REPORTED DEAD

By Barnibus Fowley

                Officer Jay Reynolds, head of campus security was announced dead this Tuesday. The announcement was made by the Dewmont Community college official daily publication, The Dewmont Storm.  Reynolds had served the school faithfully for twelve years.  He leaves behind two children, and a grieving widow who could not be reached for comment.

Reynolds passing occurred suddenly and unexpectedly, after a reported “coffee incident” went horribly awry.  This is one of seventeen coffee related tragedies suffered at Dewmont over the past three semesters.

Reynolds was known on campus as the man who solved the great napkin heist of 03, tamed the women’s bull riding team riots in 06, and patched the infamous Dewmont Crack that claimed three students lives.  It goes without saying that he will be truly missed around campus.

When asked about his feelings on the reports of this…

View original post 85 more words

Follow Your Bliss

dailydewmontnews

Dear Otto,

                To be blunt, I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  My friends and family tell me to go to college, but my heart tells me to pursue acting.  What do you think?

Sincerely

Scared and Frustrated

                Dear Scared,

                Yeedin yip yip and shit! You’ve come to the right place! I know a great deal about disappointing my friends and family.  Your friends and family aren’t the ones who have to sit miserably in a classroom all day, you are.  So do what makes you happy.  Sometimes life works itself out.  I forgot to register for classes this semester and I have never been happier.

Sincerely yours,

Otto

View original post

Live in the moment

Finals are over, at least for me anyway, and while it is a moment that I have been striving for for months now, I enter it somewhat disappointed.  I’ve spent so much time hating school, that I haven’t given any thought to what I will do once I am done with it.  Now that time has come, and all I have is this silly blog.  Isn’t it ironic? I’ve hated school so much, and for so long, and yet once separated from it, I don’t have a clue what to do. I could play basketball, see a movie, write a fucking book, or at the very least read one, and yet here I am, flustered that I have nothing to do.

I think that that is a problem that a lot of people have.  It’s so hard to live in the moment when the future could be so promising.  The irony of it is that unless you live now, the future will only ever be another moment that you fantasize leaving.

Bullying is Bullshit

Follow Your Bliss

Dear Otto,

                To be blunt, I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  My friends and family tell me to go to college, but my heart tells me to pursue acting.  What do you think?

Sincerely

Scared and Frustrated

                Dear Scared,

                Yeedin yip yip and shit! You’ve come to the right place! I know a great deal about disappointing my friends and family.  Your friends and family aren’t the ones who have to sit miserably in a classroom all day, you are.  So do what makes you happy.  Sometimes life works itself out.  I forgot to register for classes this semester and I have never been happier.

Sincerely yours,

Otto