leases, lives, and other things that i don’t want to ruin.
yesterday i signed my first lease. i read the agreement and everything. fifteen pages to tell me that i pay them, and they let me live there. i dont, and they kick me out. in addition to that, as of course those of you that consistently read my blog know, i am engaged. that’s alot to handle for a person who is notoriously bad at handling….well most things. to say that is a pressure situation is an understatement, and yet as i enter into, it isn’t as daunting as even say, the ten page paper i’m supposed to be writing right now on gawain and the green knight (particularly because i havent read gawain and the green knight). if there is one thing that i have learned in life, it is that almost everything that we are exposed to, every idea, concept or notion that we are lead to believe are socially defined ideals. for example, i am often told i am too young to consider marriage, but why is that? I will be twenty one when i get married, and twenty two when i become certified as a teacher. roughly the same level of maturity by any realistic estimation, and i am simultaneously equipped to serve as a guide to todays youth, but unequipped to take the next step in a relationship i have been building for over two and a half years. see that’s the thing. there isnt a good argument in the world that i have been presented with that makes sense. i dont have enough money? fuck that. i’m never going to have enough money if i become a teacher, and anyway, is there a membership fee attached to being married? i dont think so. in fact, by moving into an appartment together next year we are saving thousands. it will distract from school…hahaha. that one makes me laugh. nothing in the world can distract me from school more than the MOTHERFUCKING HATRED that i have for it. before i met my fiance i was mr 1.7 gpa, and while i still have the heart and soul of a college dropout, i have the gpa of a relatively good student. so no. marriage wont break my studies either, although sir gawain might. see this is my point, my life is going to be defined, because everything is, so that being the case i am going to make damn sure that i am webster. i can think of no better way to start doing that than by marrying the girl i’ve been with and grown with for the last two and a half years. she’s going to get pissed off if she finds out that i got all personal and feelingsy and shit about our relationship online, but i really do love her more than anything else in life, and i can think of no better way to enter into the adult world than by already being married to her. so with that in mind, while i still do get the occasional worrisome inkilings of the 1.7 angry teenager in me that always has to wonder if he is about to mess something up, i still move foreward confident that i am making the right desicions in life.
thanks for reading,
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