Monthly Archives: August 2015

Go F*** yourself George Zimmerman

I hope George Zimmerman is the sort of guy that has google send notifications to his phone anytime someone throws his name around on the internet.  An utter dick snot such as himself most assuredly is. I might be slightly late on waxing on this, but for those of you that do not know, the scrotum skin that is George Zimmerman has taken to bragging about shooting Trayvon Martin on Twitter.  Yes that’s right, the infamously evil and stupid testament to why folks shouldn’t carry guns is not only a big enough fuck face to dare to address the public in any capacity, he has the audacity to do so on social media.  At first I was dismayed to know that this openly racist and blatantly homophobic ass nugget had placed himself in the public eye, but then it occurred to me what a wonderful opportunity it was.  Between the people that follow this moron, and the folks that follow the Kardashian Kamp, we now have a definitive list of citizens that should not be allowed to vote.  Thanks for the help dick head.

Paul Durante

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Though in between class: the chatty student strikes again

if you’ve been reading my blog this past few days, you know that I have been stuck in a classroom with the dreaded chatty student. My hope was that this chattinesss might be attributed to first day nerves, but such has not been the case. Today this morherfucker started talking about batman in an Iroquois literature class. SHUT THE FUCK UP.Dont get me wrong I fucking love Batman, but seriously, stop talking. The two things are not related and if there is one rule in school it’s to not talk ever especially not if necessary. 

Fish Eyes And Jean Jackets: Tales from a married Student

For those of you that have not been reading along (I’m talking to you, World Wide Web)  my name is Paul Durante, and for the past, ohhh twenty or so years I was just a shell of what I could be.  In that time, I have met people that I care about, gone places that expanded my horizon’s past the corn filled soils of Illinois, and even written things that i am somewhat proud of, but it took me up until this summer to find what I can finally call, success.  And how might a mediocre small scale internet personality quantify success? Well since no one reads or watches my things, this online pest has had to go the deeper, more personal route.  Marrying my wife, was the best decision that I have ever made, opening my life up to something that it had previously never been familiar with: daily joy. Even before, when we were only dating, or even engaged, the happiness was still tremendous, spiritual, and perfect beyond what I had ever before known, but now as I pound away at these keys with a wedding band on my left hand, something has changed.  There is a new sense of simplistic profundity to this familiar and yet new sense of happiness, and I am afraid that it is a profundity that I cannot explain in this blog, most especially because nobody pays me for this shit.

But amongst this wonderful and exciting new chapter of my life is an ever so feint veil of surprise and speculation from my peers.  Oh yes, I am still a student.

“What do you think? Unplanned pregnancy?”

“Blind recklessness?”

“You don’t thing….surely he isn’t a Christian?”

Okay, okay, so no one is literally circling up and whispering gossip in my face.  In fact, the vast majority of friends and family have been very supportive of our decision, but in the background there has always been this since of judgemental speculation.

So lets clear things up.

  1.  Nope, no pregnancy, planned or otherwise, although I do believe I would look glowing with a baby bump.
  2. Excuse you sirs and maams, but we have been together for three years.  There is nothing blind or reckless about it.  There isn’t a reckless bone in my body.Your reading the words of a man too cowardly to even attempt to parralell park.
  3. Haha no.  I’m not a Christian, nor am I in any capacity religious.  But do try not to say it with such stank in your voice next time.

Here’s the deal.  When you know, you just know.  Are we young? Perhaps slightly.  But we are also financially able to pay for our own food, transportation, and living quarters (which we would have had to do regardless of whether or not we had gotten married) and in roughly nine months, we will also be degree holding members of society (despite my utter disdain for all thinks scholastic).

We are happy, which as far as I am concerned means that we are doing something right, because really, how often is there something to smile about?

wedding kiss

Thanks for reading,

Paul Durante

If you have any questions or comments, leave them!  I love hearing from you guys

Please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

Thoughts in Between Class: The Teacher you think is homeless

This may be exclusive to the english department, but in my experience there are two types of professors:  Those that look like sixty seven year old men posing as preppy college students, and those taht dress as though they are homeless.  There is of course the occasional old gentleman teacher that dresses modestly but well, but they are few and far in between.  A note should be made that this is exclusive really only to men.  Women dress like normal fucking people.  Today I had one of the homeless men.  Don’t get me wrong, I love the homeless, I just never expect to see them teaching me children’s literature.  Is it a political statement that he wore dirty, torn clothes. or is there a story behind it?  perhaps he had just vcome form his own The Hangover type situation in which he gave his tooth to ed helms and somehow predicted that Bradley Cooper would be succesful.  And you know, put on dirty clothes afterwards.  I’m not sure what it was, but whatever the case, it was all that I considered for the duration for the class.  To say the least, it was more fun than actually thinking about childrens literature.

Thanks for reading

Paul Durante

Please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

Thoughts in between class: The unwritten rules of college

have you ever noticed that every college class rooms has this unwritten law that the teacher must feign first day enthusiasm, the students (except for one unpleasantly perky one) must never stop talking about how much they wish it was summer, and the first class period must always be a long tedious explanation of what is to come that could have just as easily been handled in an email? That is not to say that I would rather have learned something today, but I could have just as easily spent that last hour watching weeds and writing absurd blog posts on my iPad. 

For whatever reason where you sit on that first day determines the way that the rest of your semester goes. Because you can’t switch seats in college. Do it and the entire class will shoot daggers at you with their eyes for the next three months, like you just killed their puppy. I think I made a mistake in picking my seat. I plopped my shit down next to the kid in the teen age mutant ninja turtles shirt-because those folks almost never try and chat you up. Only this one did. Yep, that’s right I’m next to the dreaded aforementioned peppy kid. The kid that won’t stop talking to safe their life. It’s a nightmare. On the one hand you want to be nice to him, because surely life won’t be good for the kid that can’t stop talking about someone burning breakfast on their floor this morning. On the other hand it’s almost cruel not to say some thing isn’t it? A simple “oh god stop , what a horrible horrible story” could save him a lifetime of embarrassment. And so I am at an impass. What to do folks, what to do? Stay silent? Say my peace? Drop the class? Let me know what you think in the comments section. 

Thanks for reading,

Paul Durante

Follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul

First day of Bullshit. (You Know, School)

This is why I never could have been a teacher…..for those of you that don’t know, I almost was one.  See teachers don’t write blog posts about the bullshit nature of school, and they sure as shit don’t direct videos called “butt weed”.  Crass as my creative endevors over the past few years may have been, they nevertheless point very distinclty to the fact that nurturing young minds is a field best left to folks that aren’t me.  As Marky Mark says in The Departed, (without the help of his Funky Bunch I might add)  “You can be any fucking thing that you want in the next twelve months, but you will not be a Massachusates state policeman.”  Only that’s misquoted, misspelled, and not about teaching.  Whatever, you get the point.

Marky Mark blog post

I am no student, so by definition, I am the last person that should be in charge of them.  After freshly having resigned to being simply an English Major, with no added burden of teacher certification, this is my first day back to class in what will be (God Willing) my last year as a college student.  Do you suppose that the teachers hate today as much as I do?  I maintain that college professors do what they do so that they can read books for a living, and in some cases, flirt with coeds that most likely wouldn’t have talked to them when they were nerdy little undergrads.  Granted, some of them are passionate about what they do, but for the most part I have found that they are simply interested in getting paid to have pretentious conversations about things that don’t really matter anyway.   Don’t kid yourselves, in college your paying for a sheet of paper- not a bunch of shit that you can learn for free on Wikipedia.  Don’t agree with my cynical outlook?  Good.  Debate it.

Thanks for reading,

Paul Durante

Questions or comments? Write to me down below in the comments section and I will respond.

Follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul

Fish Eyes and Jean Jackets: Married as F***

Married as fuck.  Sounds nice doesn’t it? While the day itself was a bit of a blur, I do believe that it is the very last phrase that the priest uttered before saying “you may now kiss the bride”.  You’re married as fuck, so just go ahead and kiss her.  Eh maybe he didn’y say it.  I knew though, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

Lets rewind.  My name is Paul Durante, and for the last three years my every waking thought has been completely and utterly captivated by one Rachel Riesenberger (I’ve learned to look past the whole German thing and I hope that you can too).  I wish there was a fun like or as that I could whip out to adequately describe our relationship (you know, like some Bonnie to my Clyde bullshit?) but the truth is she’s more like the teacher to my inner deliquint.  My girl was our class valedictorian, a feat that she is not too keen on mentioning, and while i am no intellectual shlub, you are nevertheless reading the words of our high school classes 121st ranked student (and I do believe that there was only 98 kids in our class).  In many ways we are opposites.  She is the sweet to my bitter, the organization to my clutter, even the Christian to my secular humanist.  With all that in mind, I have been married as fuck for three years, even before the church and the state decided to recognize it the way that we did.  And that simple fact has been my utter joy for the past three years.

Married as fuck.  That’s the funny thing about love, about human connection- that’s where the joy in life is.  I’m only twenty one, but if there is one thing I know without doubt, or without question, it is that the difference between joy and pleasure is as distinct as it is crucial to understand. Food can be pleasure- a fleeting moment happiness caused by what is usually fat and sugar, but a meal, shared with friends and loved ones- that can be joy.  That right there can be a memory.  the same thing is true of marriage, or any relationship of substance really.  If there is one thing I know, it is that the most foolproof path to happiness lies in  understanding what matters in life, and what doesn’t.  Because there are somethings that no one can take from you.

It is in this regard that I myself have struggled, even if only slightly.  I have the world- everything that I could ever hope for, and yet there is a small part of me that tries to define my happiness or success by how I am received as a writer or a director, or whatever the hell other goofy thing I am working on at the moment.  Since I was six I have dreamed of being a professional writer, and it has been about since then that I have also pursued it.  I have written stories, and novels, created web series, I am in pre production on an independent film, and I even started a goofy blog in the hopes that it would get people to pay attention to me.  I WANT to be succesful, but what I always come back to is the simple fact that I have already been given far more than i need.  Everyone is always looking for that greener side of the pasture, but what I continuously realize is that there is nothing better than what I have now.  I’m twenty years old, and I have peeked.  Exactly what everyone dreams of yes?  My life is perfect, Everything else that I get after this point is bonus.

Thanks for reading-

Paul Durante

Got Questions? Leave a comment.  Ask nice and I’ll respond, ask rude and I’ll get balligerant with you.

Follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

It Looks like I gave you a break.

Oh hi there.  It’s been a while hasn’t it?  Listen….I got married.  I like you all and everything,but quite frankly none of you seemed entirely interested in spending the rest of your life with me, so the blog had to take what I suppose you could call a brief hiatus.  So now, school starts in several days, and I thought to myself “what better time to initiate a major distraction?”  The privilage of an education does have a way of making you want to completely disconnect from the world, and given that in nine months I will be expected to try and join the work force with nothing but an English degree and a bad attitude to guide me, I thought that now would be the perfect time to fully immerse myself in a world that is tedious as it is pointless.  Because really,while I do like you guys, but given that there is only like three of you, this blog is about as worthwhile as anything else, which is to say not very.  But hey, it’s more fun than school, and still probably worth my time than a real job.  So yes, The goal, the hope, the aspiration is to do this as close to daily as I possibly can.  You’ll get to here about my marriage, my web series, and my stupid opinions!
Cheers to that eh?

Thanks for reading-

Paul Durante

Follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul