Blog Archives

This is the shit that moves stadiums

Dear Everyone,

Hi! It’s me Otto! Sorry I have been away and all.  The whole thing about it was that I didn’t want to write any more of these stupid fucking articles…but regardless, I am here now to talk about what is most definitely, most honestly the greatest theatre going experience that any non pretentious ass munches will ever experience.  This modern day “Citizen Kane” that I am going on about is of course, “X-Men Days of Future Past.” It took me a long time to figure out what the title meant, long in the sense that I am still trying to figure it out, but a strong understanding of titles is not what makes a good blog, so with that in mind, lets go foreward shall we?
The magnet guy moves a stadium.  I’m not trying to give anything away, although it certainly wont ruin my day if I do, but yeah, the magnet guy moves a stadium.  I don’t know how, and I still aren’t sure exactly why, but that shit happens.  Its awesome.  That is all,

Yeedin yip yip and shit,

Love

Otto

 

 

Follow Your Bliss

Dear Otto,

                To be blunt, I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  My friends and family tell me to go to college, but my heart tells me to pursue acting.  What do you think?

Sincerely

Scared and Frustrated

                Dear Scared,

                Yeedin yip yip and shit! You’ve come to the right place! I know a great deal about disappointing my friends and family.  Your friends and family aren’t the ones who have to sit miserably in a classroom all day, you are.  So do what makes you happy.  Sometimes life works itself out.  I forgot to register for classes this semester and I have never been happier.

Sincerely yours,

Otto

Coffee Pee

Dear Everyone,

If you have not read my previous article, “Coffee Poop,” please go back and check it out, otherwise I am pretty certain that you will be completely lost.  Is everyone caught up? Ok, good.  Why does coffee make us pee? It’s silly.  I would like to say, “Excuse me Mr. Coffee, but I am trying to read an awesome Daily Dewmont News Blog post, but you are making me pee instead.” It’s a travesty.  The urine occurs frequently, and when it does it comes out almost smelling like coffee! Is that your game Mr. Coffee? Are you trying to get us to drink our own urine?!

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love,

Otto

Bullshit named Finals

Dear Everyone,

Finals are silly.  Its a well known fact that people don’t remember things that they learn in school, they are too busy contemplating the fame of the Kardashians, and missing Breaking Bad.  Homework is for the Amish, who don’t have Facebook, twitter, or excitement to keep them busy.  Don’t worry, chances are they wont see this.  Finals can only be attributed to one of two things.  The first is that the Professors are simply ignorant.  They do not understand that we don’t know about, or care about anything that they have said over the past few months.  It is a fair enough mistake on their part, given that they are the only people in the world that enjoy fractions. I am afraid that the second possibility is a somewhat more sinister one. Professors know that you don’t care. They aren’t stupid, not most of them anyway. They know you don’t care, and they are trying to punish you. It is time to take back the end of the school year. It is time to say “no, I don’t want to take your exam Mr./Mrs. Asshole. Fight the power!
Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,
Love
Otto