Blog Archives

Summer of Love and Youtube!

Hello all! Writer and Director of the Dewmont Daze, Paul Durante here with a small, and utterly unappealing update.  Frankly, you could be using your time better right now, but thanks anyway for reading.  Myself, as well as everyone else involved in my new web series, “The Dewmont Daze,” have been absolutely hustling trying to get our videos out there.  For those of you that do not know, the Dewmont Daze is a wacky new web series featuring the ordindary lives of students at Dewmont Community College.  As of right now we are essentially just releasing shorts, as the actual series itself is still in development.  Each video is essentially a stand alone at this point, and serves to better introduce some of the characters from the series.  So far it has been well received, but we are very ready to expand our audience (because honestly, who the fuck isn’t?).  So, with that in mind, I would at this time like to encourage those of you goodly enough to have clicked the link to read my humble little blog post, to click one more link, and watch what is the latest of our videos.  If you like what you see, I would like to further ask you to subscribe.  It will only take a moment, and I promise you that we will be doing a whole lot of fun new things in the near future, that we would love to have you all on board for.  Thank you for your time! http://youtu.be/DzyOApdQ4aw Remember, we always love to hear from you! Please comment on this video or post if you have anything at all you’d like to say.  We always reply

3 AM is A lonely place to be

Hello all that are decent or perhaps indecent enough to be up at this hour, and a particularly warm thank you to those kindly enough both to be up, and to be up looking at my website.  Isn’t it dreadful? The world is sleeping, but if you are like me, you just can’t, not for the life of you.  It’s been a sort of common occurrence for me, for the majority of my life anyway.  I used to assign some sort of significance to it, as if there was some type of more profound, or perhaps even destiny oriented cause for my lack of sleep.  As if me up at four in the morning watching infomercials on the golf channel would somehow be the soil in which I would one day plant the roots that would surely lead to my term as president.  Or at least to the start of a career in infomercials.  Now I know that it is just because I have a very silly brain, that still refuses to undersanstand that activity is the very last thing that a weary brain needs.  Oh well, fools may be the last to learn but they sure as hell get it eventually.  One day you will find me, sixty years old and well rested, but until then, I blog, and write children stories about badgers.

Oh, and that brings me to what else I am doing.  It wasn’t really my intention to cover this in this post, but I also never intended write this post, so to hell with all the rules.  My girlfriend and I are currently writing a childrens book about a semi autistic badger in post apocalyptic Kansas City.  So if that sounds interesting to you some words of encouragement would be more than lovely, because frankly it isn’t as easy as you might guess.  I am also writing a full length adult geared story about a suicidal teenager hunted by a demon dog, and a ghost that likes AC/DC, and I am writing, directing, and acting in a web series, as well as podcasting and poorly maintaining this blog.  It’s a busy summer for me. 

If you have any interest in any of my projects, and it would be just dandy if you did, it’s extremely easy to track.  Of course you can always find me here, I fully intend to step up my blogging game, but you can also find me on Twitter @DewmontPaul (The link isn’t broken, it just doesn’t exist–I don’t know how to do it) on youtube at “The Dewmont Daze,” and hopefully on ITunes in the very near future at “Dewmont Speaks.” I have already uploaded a few teaser sort of videos for what is to be my web series.  There will be videos posted very regularly up until December but the actual series doesn’t really launch until December.  However, it would be great if you could check it out now.  This link actually does work.  I’d love for you all to watch it.  Subscribe if you dig it, comment to tell me how you feel about it.  Even if you hate it, I love to hear from you. http://youtu.be/DzyOApdQ4aw

 

http://youtu.be/qW_fG0A7U2k

It’s official! The documentary focusing on our own DCC is finally viral! the first video on ne youtube channel “The Dewmont Daze” Has just been posted earlier today.  the video features our own Funky givning a psychic reading to another student, credited only as Sean. Suprisingly, Funky sees to come through, and contact Sean’s mother.  See for yourself here.  http://youtu.be/qW_fG0A7U2k

Black Tom Saywer

It’s official! The documentary focusing on our own DCC is finally viral! the first video on ne youtube channel “The Dewmont Daze” Has just been posted earlier today.  the video features our own Funky givning a psychic reading to another student, credited only as Sean. Suprisingly, Funky sees to come through, and contact Sean’s mother.  See for yourself here.  http://youtu.be/qW_fG0A7U2k

Fighting Mopeds

Hey guys, now is the time to subscribe.  Please do me a huge favor and check out this very poorly lit trailer.  If you like it, great, keep watching! If you hate it, even better.  Watch it more and tell me I’m full of shit.  Either way, now is the time to subscribe, either to make my dreams, or crush them regularly.

College, an american Fallacy

Dear Everyone,

growing up I had a simple dream, to be a writer.  Then I found out that unless you are Stephen King, you can’t count on making a living that way.   My new dream was to have people stop bothering me about what I was going to do with my life, so I went to college. College, where dreams can come to fruition in the form of unescapable debt, and less than satisfying social interactions.  Yesterday I was in a conversation with a friend that made me realize that college means something different to everyone.  This came to my attention when he mentioned that mentioned that college was for being bisexual.  I thought it was about blowing all your money on laundry and textbooks.

The fact is, school matters about as much as the world decides that it does.  I am pretty sure that I will not need to say the word “parallelogram,” again in my life, but I just paid hundreds of dollars and three hours of my life each week to learn about them.  And yet, had I not, I would be promised nothing better out of life than a job at Macdonalds.  It’s a silly notion.  In order to make money, you need to put yourself in debt for the next twenty years.

Anyway, enjoy Finals,

Stirfry

Coffee Pee

Dear Everyone,

If you have not read my previous article, “Coffee Poop,” please go back and check it out, otherwise I am pretty certain that you will be completely lost.  Is everyone caught up? Ok, good.  Why does coffee make us pee? It’s silly.  I would like to say, “Excuse me Mr. Coffee, but I am trying to read an awesome Daily Dewmont News Blog post, but you are making me pee instead.” It’s a travesty.  The urine occurs frequently, and when it does it comes out almost smelling like coffee! Is that your game Mr. Coffee? Are you trying to get us to drink our own urine?!

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love,

Otto

Bullshit named Finals

Dear Everyone,

Finals are silly.  Its a well known fact that people don’t remember things that they learn in school, they are too busy contemplating the fame of the Kardashians, and missing Breaking Bad.  Homework is for the Amish, who don’t have Facebook, twitter, or excitement to keep them busy.  Don’t worry, chances are they wont see this.  Finals can only be attributed to one of two things.  The first is that the Professors are simply ignorant.  They do not understand that we don’t know about, or care about anything that they have said over the past few months.  It is a fair enough mistake on their part, given that they are the only people in the world that enjoy fractions. I am afraid that the second possibility is a somewhat more sinister one. Professors know that you don’t care. They aren’t stupid, not most of them anyway. They know you don’t care, and they are trying to punish you. It is time to take back the end of the school year. It is time to say “no, I don’t want to take your exam Mr./Mrs. Asshole. Fight the power!
Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,
Love
Otto

Finals: All the things you need to know that won’t help

Below is a list of things to get yourself through finals week.  Disclaimer, none of them work.

1.) Study! In case you forgot, you’re supposed to study for this shit.  The choice is between that, or dropping out.  If I were you I would pick the latter.

2.) Don’t cram.  The only thing worse than studying for one exam a night, is studying for six the night before.  I know you’ll want to go ahead and ignore this piece of advice, on account if it’s what your parents and teachers say to you to, but resist the urge to rebel and listen to them.

3.) Eat healthy.  I don’t know if this helps you do better on the exams or not, but it will make you live longer.  Trust me, you’ll  want some time in between your finals and your death.  Can you imagine if the last thing that you did on this planet was math?

4.) Get help! There are worse things in the world than having to ask for help, trust me, I’ve had six teeth pulled.  Now to be fair, if your tutor starts pulling your teeth, it might be a bad experience.  However, outside the occasional isolated insidents of attempted amateur dentistry, most tutoring goes quite well.

5.) Stay calm (But don’t make a fucking T-Shirt about it) Seriously, don’t worry too much about it.  It could be worse (you could be dead).

Major Bullshit

The only thing worse than having a major in college is not having one.  When I was in high school a girl that I knew came up to my lunch table and sat down with a big sigh.  I asked her what was wrong and she told me: she had decided to change her major, again.

I know. It’s bull shit.  The fact of the matter is, you cannot have a major in high school.  I think she knew that.  What she meant was that she had for the second time, thought about a new possible career.  She started out wanting to be a teacher and just that day she had decided she wanted to be a dentist.  The girl was drawn to misery.

The truth is that college will screw you any which way.  Either you have a major and you’re locked into a life of hard work and uncertainty in a job market that you most likely don’t want to participate in to begin with, or you are trapped in the monotony of academia by an undecided major, losing thousands of dollars a year that you don’t have and likely won’t for an upwards of ten years.  Or you can skip the entire process now and get a job at Dairy Queen.  The choice is yours.