Blog Archives

Lies your teachers tell you.

The notion that school is important is itself a delusion. Jobs are important, and while an extended education is most certainly a typically critical way of obtaining one, understanding the thought process of William Blake (an arrogant asshole if ever there was one) will not help me at any important moment of my life. On my wedding day (next July my friends) understanding the metaphorical implications of Thel will not do me any favors. When my first child is born (not next July) understanding the signifigance of “Cry’s from the Daughters of Albinon,” will not do me any favors. Granted, I am an English major, which of course means that my studies are largely confined to a socially structured notion of what is or is not important. Essentially, Dante (who is far less an asshole than Blake though hardly more exciting) is important because my suit wearing PHD tainted professor says the he is. The truth of course is that that is not correct. I am the same person that I was two years ago, regardless of what I now know about the historical undertones of what Mary Shelly was saying in Frankenstein. I will make the allowance of mentioning that I do like books, and while I very clearly have a particularly harsh disdain for Mr. Blake, some of the texts that we read aren’t so bad. I have enjoyed the Illiad, the Odessey, the works of Langston Hughes and Mary Shelley, and even that of Jane Austin. Dante is interesting as well, and so are the works of Junot Diaz and Michael Chabon. And for the grand total of seventy five dollars and an amazon account, I could have obtained and read those texts at my leisure. Instead I spend my days literally tens of thousands of dollars in debt reading three weeks at a time and wondering what my teachers want me to say about them. I feel it goes without saying that this is not a pleasant existance.
“Shut the hell up you stupid piece of shit and go back to acting poorly and calling yourself Stirfry!”
WOAH. Some hostility from the back. OK, i can recognize that some of my complaints are exclusive to my major, and that I am indeed a bad actor with a knack for naming characters after food. But does that mean that I am wrong, and that the education system is perfect? I don’t think so.
While I have chosen a field of study in which all texts are subjective and the act of judging an assesment of said texts is a shocking abuse of power, the same can not be said of all majors. Biology is for an example a major that very well might actually be a necessary step in the process of working in the field of science. While I hate the notion that a sustainable job can essentially only be obtained through continued education, I can readily accept the fact that for many fields extended learning is necessary. Doctors for example should feel free to learn as much as they can before they start cutting people open. But does it have to be so expensive? My campus has multiple show piece buildings constructed costly for the sake of archticture and maintained thoroughly each year so as not to degrade. That’s where my tuition is going. At my old school (the inspiration for Dewmont) half of my classes took place in trailers behind campus, and the yearly tuition was 6000$ . You can call me an asshole, but it simply does not make sense to say that the way that we spend money for education is practicle. We need more Dewmont, and A whole hell of a lot less Harvard.
Thanks ,
Think I’m an ignorant fool? Take to the internet to tell me! Follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul and tell me all about how silly I am.

You are beautiful. Remember it


Hey guys, Life is good eh? If you are like me you are a few weeks into summer, and hopefully loving it.  I’m in sort of a strange place in life right now, a sort of elongated strange place in life.  So elongated in fact that it makes me wonder what stages of life aren’t strange.  The only difference between now and every other brooding second of my life is that I’m sort of ok with all of that.  Sometimes I am prone to sadness, but the most liberating thing that I have ever done is accept that sadness will come, and embrace both the moments where it does, and the ones that it doesn’t.  Life is all about finding what makes you happy, and if your in the right place ot do so, engaging in things that will make other people happy also. 

For me, that has meant directing.  That’s right, I am currently pretending that I know how to direct! I am currently writing directing and acting in my own web series.  So far it has brought me a tremendous amount of happiness, and my hope is that in the near future it will bring other people some happiness as well.  I have posted only one teaser/ trailer video as of right now, but starting next week there is a great deal more to come.

Here is a link to that video

For me, directing, and writing, and blogging have been a great joy.  I am hoping that you all find something to bring joy to yourselves as well.  If you find yourself with  a little bit of time and would like to support me, please check out my video, and subscribe if you can.

Friend Zone

Friend Zone

By Drake Mahoney

                Listen, most of you don’t want to hear this, but shut up and listen.  There is no friend zone.  There’s simply no such thing.  Friend zone is the thing that guys say when they want to place the blame of their single relationship status on someone else, who in truth doesn’t want to date them.  “But she only dates dicks, and then complains to me about it,” you might say to yourself.  Glad you mentioned it: it doesn’t matter.  You have not been friend zoned, you have been: I only like this person as a friend zoned.  It’s not as catchy but it’s a whole hell of a lot less damaging.

                Why am I mentioning it? I don’t hate down on their luck bachelors, and I am certainly not here to make them feel worse about what they see as their struggles, but I am here to give this culture of misogyny a scolding.  I understand that it hurts when someone doesn’t feel the same way as you do, but that does not mean that that they have made some sort of mistake, or that they have somehow missed the “overwhelmingly obvious fact” that the two of you are meant to be together.  The truth of the matter is that women in our culture have enough going against them as it is, and they need to be allowed to date the way that they want, even if they want to date assholes. 

                Women get scolded for engaging in this “friend zone” thing.  People get mad at them, and judge them for not going for the so called nice guy.  And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that he (or you depending on the perspective of the reader) is absolutely lovely, but this simply can’t continue.  Women are judged on every little thing, including their appearance, diet, and fashion choice.  They can’t be judged on who they date too.

A note to Haters, Fans, And Barock Obama

Hey guys! Administrator here to apologize on behalf of us all here at the Daily Dewmont News for our lack of post in the past weeks.  Sometimes life gets in the way, and all of our writers seem to have lives that are ripping from the seams.  Barnibus is in love, Kathy is heartbroken, Otto is…high, April has a family related emergency, and, well that about covers it. It’s been a tremendous few weeks, especially once you factor in all of the exams and such but I would like to assure you that those things are behind us.  Not love or heartbreak, those things tend to linger, but while absence surely does make the heart grow fonder, it is something that we have collectively decided to give up.  Starting next week we intend fully to get the Daily Dewmont News up and running just the way that you have grown accustomed to.  We thank every single one of you for your patience in this matter. 

Kim Kardashian And Satan Spawns

The Daily Dewmont News: Stolen

By Barnibus Fowley

                Your own Daily Dewmont News has found itself to be the latest victim of Dewmont’s debauchery.  An anonymous hacker dove into our site several days ago, and dove immediately in to blogging about Kim Kardashian.  While speculation as to whether or not her child “North West,” could be the spawn of Satan captivates most of us here at the Daily Dewmont News, we unfortunately do not consider that to be news.  Fortunately we have regained control of the site, and plan to immediately return to business as usual. We would like to thank you for your patience in this matter, and continued readership.

Psychics and Camera malfunctions

By Barnibus Fowley

Director Paul Durante has hit a snag in his filming at Dewmont.  “You guys steal my camera’s…so often.” With recent set backs, his documentary series “The Dewmont Daze,” will not be released until sometime next winter.  However, Durante assures us that all hope is not lost.  “I’ve gotten a great deal of footage from a young man named Funky who claims to be psychic,” Durante assures us. His three part series “Funky is Psychic,” is to be released in the next few weeks.  Our own Otto and Stirfry are to be featured heavily in the series as well. More to come in the ensuing weeks.

Coffee Pee

Dear Everyone,

If you have not read my previous article, “Coffee Poop,” please go back and check it out, otherwise I am pretty certain that you will be completely lost.  Is everyone caught up? Ok, good.  Why does coffee make us pee? It’s silly.  I would like to say, “Excuse me Mr. Coffee, but I am trying to read an awesome Daily Dewmont News Blog post, but you are making me pee instead.” It’s a travesty.  The urine occurs frequently, and when it does it comes out almost smelling like coffee! Is that your game Mr. Coffee? Are you trying to get us to drink our own urine?!

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,




Hello All! Chief Editor of the Daily Dewmont News here to thank you for all your support these last few weeks.  We have heard what you have had to say, and we are grateful for your feedback.  And how do we show our gratitude? By asking for more feedback.

What would you like to see here? We have writers here knowledgeable in college life, comedy, sports, humanism causes, and geek life.  Some of them also like weed.  We can give you anything and everything that you want, but you just need to here it from you first. What will the Daily Dewmont News look like in the weeks to come? You decide!!!

No time like the present

No time like the Present

Opinion Column

By Drake Mahoney

                It’s become common practice these days for me to hear people my age utter the ridiculous phrase “I don’t have time.”  You don’t have time? Time is all you have.  Time is free, time is constant, time is in fact the only thing that you truly do have.  So don’t tell me that you have none of it, because that is only true if oyu are on your death bed, and if such is the case, I am tremdnously sad for you that you are reading this. 

                Don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a rant against those that like to keep themselves occupied.  That’s fine, that’s good, that’s lovely even.  You’ve found your joy, you’ve pursued it and you have attained it.  You impress me, you best me, you are everything that I have ever dreamed of being.  So no, this article is not for you.  It’s for everyone else….Hello!

                Hello indeed, everyone else. Listen…you’re full of shit.  You do have time.  You just need to ask yourself, what do you want to be? It doesn’t matter if you want to be a Frisbee tosser, be a Frisbee tosser.  Now ask yourself this, is there anyway I can make money doing the thing that I want to do? If the answer is yes, and it probably is, you need to pursue it, no matter how long the odds are.  If you don’t at least try what you want to do first, what’s the point of even going to college?

                People in this country have this odd idea that you need to go to college right after you graduate high school.  Remember the last thirteen years that you spent miserable in a classroom? Years filled with homework, tests, and mediocre cafeteria food? Well guess what! Now you get to put yourself into debt for the rest of your life to have those things! It’s so odd to me the way people do things.  This is your time.  If you want to be a singer, be a singer! If you want to travel, do it! Be a writer,  be a painter, sing, dance, do things! College is a milestone of sorts, I suppose, but not one that you need to sprint to.

                Think about it, the reason that people go to college is to figure out what they want to do with their lives, but I’d venture a guess that a lot of you already know what you want to do with your life.  And if I was to guess further, I would say that it has very little to do with college algebra.  So why don’t you do those things? I bet when you were little you had all sorts of ideas of what you would like to be.  I know that I did.  I wanted to be a writer, and now look at me!….Ok look at someone else.  Look at Stephen King.  He wanted to be a writer, and he did it!

                There is no time better than now for you to pursue your wildest of dreams.  College can wait, if you want it to, or you can do both.  But don’t give up your idea of what your life should be like, because of someone elses idea of it.