I hate college, not purely in the sense that I do not like being told ridiculous nonsense that in no way actually benefits my life (though I do truly and utterly hate that). No, I hate the notion of culturally mandated higher education for what my pretentious self assured mind considers to be more enlightened reasons. You might feel differently. Here’s why you’re wrong.
- The Cost-inordinate to what you receive. This summer I paid a literal 1000$ to take an online film class. I never met my teacher, I never spoke to her, emailed her, or even aw her face, nor could I tell you who else was in my class. What we did? Watched movies. I paid a thousand dollars for a PHD to decide my Netflix que. It’s nonsense. -And what do they do with that money? New buildings, better football players, perhaps a statue of a former school President that none of the students currently enrolled at the University were even aware of. Nonsense bullshit that is putting you tens of thousands of dollars in debt. “But Paul, most of those things are bought by grants, and donations, you ignorant slut.” Well first of all my good man, slut is a cancerous word that our society uses to slap women in their faces, and it is one that should not be uttered on my blog. Second, I know that you ignorant ass munch (not to offend the ass munchers out there). But these things are bought because that is the way in which the world of the university has defined itself. Grand buildings, tremendous stadiums, and expensive sports teams with which to fill them. Silliness. I spent three semesters at a community college- same resources as my current university, but a literal fourth of the cost.
- “College prepares you for the real world”. Haha oh does it? That real world where you party five nights out of the week, work sporadic day time hours, and pay some one hefty fees to boss you around? College is nothing like the real world. it’s not even similar. Yes, it provides you a chance to move out of your parents house, but guess what? For 450 a month you can do that anyway.
- “College makes you a smarter, more well informed member of society.” Oh does it? I wish someone had told me that four years ago, I might have found the time to smile about it. That’s horse shit, and you know it. College, as in everything else, can only inform you as much as you decide you want it to. You want to be informed? Read a newspaper, they’re seventy five cents. So what am i proposing? Nothing. This system isn’t going anywhere, and it never will. It’s too ingrained in our society for it to go anywhere. All i can suggest is that we stop pretending that it is some temple of enlightenment, and call it what it is- an institution used to designate the haves and have nots. Those with degrees- now deemed worthy of a decent job, and those without, who can’t hope to. It’s bullshit, but it’s our bullshit, so own up to it.
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Isn’t it ironic he way in which college forces you to spend inordinate amounts of money (in relation to the services that it provides) that put you tremendously in debt, just so that one day you might get a job that pays a decent wage? Emphasis on the word “might” by the way. Because there are no definite’s. Hard work won’t under all circumstances yield your dream life, and conversely, supreme stupidity will not always leave you homeless (see every single reality tv star ever). There are no guarantees in life, even though it feels like maybe there should be, and while this is regrettable, it is not something that will be changed by activism, as it is really only as prevelent these days as the cause is trendy.
In that regard the less academically inclined among us are still out of luck. It seems that so few people have found fault with this system that requires us to put ourselves deeply into debt just for the chance at a job that provides a live able wage. People get so caught up with this “need” for a higher education, that they don’t ever stop to think that their could possibly be an alternative. Perhaps they are right not to dwell on it. Perhaps this “Hunger Games,” esque, survival of the fittest arena of education and job hunting has become so institutionalized that the probability of other options gaining traction are so slim that the efforts to create such a thing would be better directed elsewhere. Either way, it’s something to think about isn’t it. I’ve always figured that your degree costs a good deal more than the sticker price. Besides four years of your life, it costs your dreams. That is not to say that everyone can, or should dedicate their lives to the pursuit of a rock and roll career that they will never have, but rather it just seems worth mentioning that once they take that plunge, get that degree, and enter into white corporate America, I do believe that they pay not just the hundred thousand dollars or so of tuition, but also that creative fire in their belly that they had had up until their eighteenth birthday. And that passion you can never get back.
Food for thought.
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This is why I never could have been a teacher…..for those of you that don’t know, I almost was one. See teachers don’t write blog posts about the bullshit nature of school, and they sure as shit don’t direct videos called “butt weed”. Crass as my creative endevors over the past few years may have been, they nevertheless point very distinclty to the fact that nurturing young minds is a field best left to folks that aren’t me. As Marky Mark says in The Departed, (without the help of his Funky Bunch I might add) “You can be any fucking thing that you want in the next twelve months, but you will not be a Massachusates state policeman.” Only that’s misquoted, misspelled, and not about teaching. Whatever, you get the point.
I am no student, so by definition, I am the last person that should be in charge of them. After freshly having resigned to being simply an English Major, with no added burden of teacher certification, this is my first day back to class in what will be (God Willing) my last year as a college student. Do you suppose that the teachers hate today as much as I do? I maintain that college professors do what they do so that they can read books for a living, and in some cases, flirt with coeds that most likely wouldn’t have talked to them when they were nerdy little undergrads. Granted, some of them are passionate about what they do, but for the most part I have found that they are simply interested in getting paid to have pretentious conversations about things that don’t really matter anyway. Don’t kid yourselves, in college your paying for a sheet of paper- not a bunch of shit that you can learn for free on Wikipedia. Don’t agree with my cynical outlook? Good. Debate it.
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i have forteen more days of school but zero fucks to give. im no good at math, and in fact that is one of the reasons for my zero fuck giving, but regardless i am quite certain that i might be metaphorically fucked by my projected output of work for the coming days. those of you familiar with university life understand that this is not good. in fact if ever there was a pair of weeks for me to work hard throughout, it would be these two. finals are looming, and while i am certainly getting reacquainted with their pressures and demands, my fucks to give ratio is nonetheless….fucked. heres the thing; none of this shit matters. i was tired of it early august, before any of it even started because like i said…it doesnt matter. science might end up curing cancer, but i certainly wont. math might be handy if dont have a calculator near by, and grammar was replaced by spell check..well whenever spell check came out. thats it. thats my post to day kids; an angry little exscursion away from the dreadful paper im writing.
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yesterday i signed my first lease. i read the agreement and everything. fifteen pages to tell me that i pay them, and they let me live there. i dont, and they kick me out. in addition to that, as of course those of you that consistently read my blog know, i am engaged. that’s alot to handle for a person who is notoriously bad at handling….well most things. to say that is a pressure situation is an understatement, and yet as i enter into, it isn’t as daunting as even say, the ten page paper i’m supposed to be writing right now on gawain and the green knight (particularly because i havent read gawain and the green knight). if there is one thing that i have learned in life, it is that almost everything that we are exposed to, every idea, concept or notion that we are lead to believe are socially defined ideals. for example, i am often told i am too young to consider marriage, but why is that? I will be twenty one when i get married, and twenty two when i become certified as a teacher. roughly the same level of maturity by any realistic estimation, and i am simultaneously equipped to serve as a guide to todays youth, but unequipped to take the next step in a relationship i have been building for over two and a half years. see that’s the thing. there isnt a good argument in the world that i have been presented with that makes sense. i dont have enough money? fuck that. i’m never going to have enough money if i become a teacher, and anyway, is there a membership fee attached to being married? i dont think so. in fact, by moving into an appartment together next year we are saving thousands. it will distract from school…hahaha. that one makes me laugh. nothing in the world can distract me from school more than the MOTHERFUCKING HATRED that i have for it. before i met my fiance i was mr 1.7 gpa, and while i still have the heart and soul of a college dropout, i have the gpa of a relatively good student. so no. marriage wont break my studies either, although sir gawain might. see this is my point, my life is going to be defined, because everything is, so that being the case i am going to make damn sure that i am webster. i can think of no better way to start doing that than by marrying the girl i’ve been with and grown with for the last two and a half years. she’s going to get pissed off if she finds out that i got all personal and feelingsy and shit about our relationship online, but i really do love her more than anything else in life, and i can think of no better way to enter into the adult world than by already being married to her. so with that in mind, while i still do get the occasional worrisome inkilings of the 1.7 angry teenager in me that always has to wonder if he is about to mess something up, i still move foreward confident that i am making the right desicions in life.
thanks for reading,
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