Blog Archives

Coffee Pee

Dear Everyone,

If you have not read my previous article, “Coffee Poop,” please go back and check it out, otherwise I am pretty certain that you will be completely lost.  Is everyone caught up? Ok, good.  Why does coffee make us pee? It’s silly.  I would like to say, “Excuse me Mr. Coffee, but I am trying to read an awesome Daily Dewmont News Blog post, but you are making me pee instead.” It’s a travesty.  The urine occurs frequently, and when it does it comes out almost smelling like coffee! Is that your game Mr. Coffee? Are you trying to get us to drink our own urine?!

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love,

Otto

Bullshit named Finals

Dear Everyone,

Finals are silly.  Its a well known fact that people don’t remember things that they learn in school, they are too busy contemplating the fame of the Kardashians, and missing Breaking Bad.  Homework is for the Amish, who don’t have Facebook, twitter, or excitement to keep them busy.  Don’t worry, chances are they wont see this.  Finals can only be attributed to one of two things.  The first is that the Professors are simply ignorant.  They do not understand that we don’t know about, or care about anything that they have said over the past few months.  It is a fair enough mistake on their part, given that they are the only people in the world that enjoy fractions. I am afraid that the second possibility is a somewhat more sinister one. Professors know that you don’t care. They aren’t stupid, not most of them anyway. They know you don’t care, and they are trying to punish you. It is time to take back the end of the school year. It is time to say “no, I don’t want to take your exam Mr./Mrs. Asshole. Fight the power!
Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,
Love
Otto