For those of you that have not been reading along (I’m talking to you, World Wide Web) my name is Paul Durante, and for the past, ohhh twenty or so years I was just a shell of what I could be. In that time, I have met people that I care about, gone places that expanded my horizon’s past the corn filled soils of Illinois, and even written things that i am somewhat proud of, but it took me up until this summer to find what I can finally call, success. And how might a mediocre small scale internet personality quantify success? Well since no one reads or watches my things, this online pest has had to go the deeper, more personal route. Marrying my wife, was the best decision that I have ever made, opening my life up to something that it had previously never been familiar with: daily joy. Even before, when we were only dating, or even engaged, the happiness was still tremendous, spiritual, and perfect beyond what I had ever before known, but now as I pound away at these keys with a wedding band on my left hand, something has changed. There is a new sense of simplistic profundity to this familiar and yet new sense of happiness, and I am afraid that it is a profundity that I cannot explain in this blog, most especially because nobody pays me for this shit.
But amongst this wonderful and exciting new chapter of my life is an ever so feint veil of surprise and speculation from my peers. Oh yes, I am still a student.
“What do you think? Unplanned pregnancy?”
“You don’t thing….surely he isn’t a Christian?”
Okay, okay, so no one is literally circling up and whispering gossip in my face. In fact, the vast majority of friends and family have been very supportive of our decision, but in the background there has always been this since of judgemental speculation.
So lets clear things up.
- Nope, no pregnancy, planned or otherwise, although I do believe I would look glowing with a baby bump.
- Excuse you sirs and maams, but we have been together for three years. There is nothing blind or reckless about it. There isn’t a reckless bone in my body.Your reading the words of a man too cowardly to even attempt to parralell park.
- Haha no. I’m not a Christian, nor am I in any capacity religious. But do try not to say it with such stank in your voice next time.
Here’s the deal. When you know, you just know. Are we young? Perhaps slightly. But we are also financially able to pay for our own food, transportation, and living quarters (which we would have had to do regardless of whether or not we had gotten married) and in roughly nine months, we will also be degree holding members of society (despite my utter disdain for all thinks scholastic).
We are happy, which as far as I am concerned means that we are doing something right, because really, how often is there something to smile about?
Thanks for reading,
If you have any questions or comments, leave them! I love hearing from you guys
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This is why I never could have been a teacher…..for those of you that don’t know, I almost was one. See teachers don’t write blog posts about the bullshit nature of school, and they sure as shit don’t direct videos called “butt weed”. Crass as my creative endevors over the past few years may have been, they nevertheless point very distinclty to the fact that nurturing young minds is a field best left to folks that aren’t me. As Marky Mark says in The Departed, (without the help of his Funky Bunch I might add) “You can be any fucking thing that you want in the next twelve months, but you will not be a Massachusates state policeman.” Only that’s misquoted, misspelled, and not about teaching. Whatever, you get the point.
I am no student, so by definition, I am the last person that should be in charge of them. After freshly having resigned to being simply an English Major, with no added burden of teacher certification, this is my first day back to class in what will be (God Willing) my last year as a college student. Do you suppose that the teachers hate today as much as I do? I maintain that college professors do what they do so that they can read books for a living, and in some cases, flirt with coeds that most likely wouldn’t have talked to them when they were nerdy little undergrads. Granted, some of them are passionate about what they do, but for the most part I have found that they are simply interested in getting paid to have pretentious conversations about things that don’t really matter anyway. Don’t kid yourselves, in college your paying for a sheet of paper- not a bunch of shit that you can learn for free on Wikipedia. Don’t agree with my cynical outlook? Good. Debate it.
Thanks for reading,
Questions or comments? Write to me down below in the comments section and I will respond.
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Married as fuck. Sounds nice doesn’t it? While the day itself was a bit of a blur, I do believe that it is the very last phrase that the priest uttered before saying “you may now kiss the bride”. You’re married as fuck, so just go ahead and kiss her. Eh maybe he didn’y say it. I knew though, and I couldn’t be happier about it.
Lets rewind. My name is Paul Durante, and for the last three years my every waking thought has been completely and utterly captivated by one Rachel Riesenberger (I’ve learned to look past the whole German thing and I hope that you can too). I wish there was a fun like or as that I could whip out to adequately describe our relationship (you know, like some Bonnie to my Clyde bullshit?) but the truth is she’s more like the teacher to my inner deliquint. My girl was our class valedictorian, a feat that she is not too keen on mentioning, and while i am no intellectual shlub, you are nevertheless reading the words of our high school classes 121st ranked student (and I do believe that there was only 98 kids in our class). In many ways we are opposites. She is the sweet to my bitter, the organization to my clutter, even the Christian to my secular humanist. With all that in mind, I have been married as fuck for three years, even before the church and the state decided to recognize it the way that we did. And that simple fact has been my utter joy for the past three years.
Married as fuck. That’s the funny thing about love, about human connection- that’s where the joy in life is. I’m only twenty one, but if there is one thing I know without doubt, or without question, it is that the difference between joy and pleasure is as distinct as it is crucial to understand. Food can be pleasure- a fleeting moment happiness caused by what is usually fat and sugar, but a meal, shared with friends and loved ones- that can be joy. That right there can be a memory. the same thing is true of marriage, or any relationship of substance really. If there is one thing I know, it is that the most foolproof path to happiness lies in understanding what matters in life, and what doesn’t. Because there are somethings that no one can take from you.
It is in this regard that I myself have struggled, even if only slightly. I have the world- everything that I could ever hope for, and yet there is a small part of me that tries to define my happiness or success by how I am received as a writer or a director, or whatever the hell other goofy thing I am working on at the moment. Since I was six I have dreamed of being a professional writer, and it has been about since then that I have also pursued it. I have written stories, and novels, created web series, I am in pre production on an independent film, and I even started a goofy blog in the hopes that it would get people to pay attention to me. I WANT to be succesful, but what I always come back to is the simple fact that I have already been given far more than i need. Everyone is always looking for that greener side of the pasture, but what I continuously realize is that there is nothing better than what I have now. I’m twenty years old, and I have peeked. Exactly what everyone dreams of yes? My life is perfect, Everything else that I get after this point is bonus.
Thanks for reading-
Got Questions? Leave a comment. Ask nice and I’ll respond, ask rude and I’ll get balligerant with you.
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Oh hi there. It’s been a while hasn’t it? Listen….I got married. I like you all and everything,but quite frankly none of you seemed entirely interested in spending the rest of your life with me, so the blog had to take what I suppose you could call a brief hiatus. So now, school starts in several days, and I thought to myself “what better time to initiate a major distraction?” The privilage of an education does have a way of making you want to completely disconnect from the world, and given that in nine months I will be expected to try and join the work force with nothing but an English degree and a bad attitude to guide me, I thought that now would be the perfect time to fully immerse myself in a world that is tedious as it is pointless. Because really,while I do like you guys, but given that there is only like three of you, this blog is about as worthwhile as anything else, which is to say not very. But hey, it’s more fun than school, and still probably worth my time than a real job. So yes, The goal, the hope, the aspiration is to do this as close to daily as I possibly can. You’ll get to here about my marriage, my web series, and my stupid opinions!
Cheers to that eh?
Thanks for reading-
Follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul
yesterday i signed my first lease. i read the agreement and everything. fifteen pages to tell me that i pay them, and they let me live there. i dont, and they kick me out. in addition to that, as of course those of you that consistently read my blog know, i am engaged. that’s alot to handle for a person who is notoriously bad at handling….well most things. to say that is a pressure situation is an understatement, and yet as i enter into, it isn’t as daunting as even say, the ten page paper i’m supposed to be writing right now on gawain and the green knight (particularly because i havent read gawain and the green knight). if there is one thing that i have learned in life, it is that almost everything that we are exposed to, every idea, concept or notion that we are lead to believe are socially defined ideals. for example, i am often told i am too young to consider marriage, but why is that? I will be twenty one when i get married, and twenty two when i become certified as a teacher. roughly the same level of maturity by any realistic estimation, and i am simultaneously equipped to serve as a guide to todays youth, but unequipped to take the next step in a relationship i have been building for over two and a half years. see that’s the thing. there isnt a good argument in the world that i have been presented with that makes sense. i dont have enough money? fuck that. i’m never going to have enough money if i become a teacher, and anyway, is there a membership fee attached to being married? i dont think so. in fact, by moving into an appartment together next year we are saving thousands. it will distract from school…hahaha. that one makes me laugh. nothing in the world can distract me from school more than the MOTHERFUCKING HATRED that i have for it. before i met my fiance i was mr 1.7 gpa, and while i still have the heart and soul of a college dropout, i have the gpa of a relatively good student. so no. marriage wont break my studies either, although sir gawain might. see this is my point, my life is going to be defined, because everything is, so that being the case i am going to make damn sure that i am webster. i can think of no better way to start doing that than by marrying the girl i’ve been with and grown with for the last two and a half years. she’s going to get pissed off if she finds out that i got all personal and feelingsy and shit about our relationship online, but i really do love her more than anything else in life, and i can think of no better way to enter into the adult world than by already being married to her. so with that in mind, while i still do get the occasional worrisome inkilings of the 1.7 angry teenager in me that always has to wonder if he is about to mess something up, i still move foreward confident that i am making the right desicions in life.
thanks for reading,
follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul
Long Distance Love
A humanist perspective
By Kathy McDermott
Love is selfless. Love is painful. Love is brilliant. Love is as intricately complicated as it is painfully simple. Love defies race, gender, age, distance, and sometimes even logic. Love is the very thing that makes us human. It does not matter if it is between, a man and a woman, a man and a man, or between Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. Love cannot be helped. With that in mind, let’s enter into this week’s topic, long distance relationships.
If you are in college, the chances are pretty good that you at the very least know someone who is in a long distance relationship. You might even be in one yourself. They are littered all over college campuses, and for every person in one, there is two more people wondering what the hell they are doing.
It is true that for a person who has never been in love, the concept of a long distance relationship can seem quite odd. It is a tremendous commitment that is rooted in love, trust, and respect. Those things are hard to come by in a country where 43% of marriages have suffered from infidelity, and over 50% end in divorce. So yes, it’s true, the odds are not good. But as Han Solo would say, never tell me the odds.
When you find that special person that makes you happier than you ever felt possible, you are bound to them. You can’t help it, and you cannot change the way that you feel. Love is not a decision, but a feeling. It’s almost instinctual. What people who are not in long distance relationships do not understand is that they are not a choice. To a degree, yes, you chose to stay with the person when they left, or when you left, or when whatever happened happened, but the choice itself can be likened to choosing life over death.
So I write these words as an assurance to those suffering. Your circumstances are as painful as they are uncertain, but they are a pain that I myself have known and overcome. If things are the same for you as they were for me, than the high light of your day is hearing your significant others voice on the phone, or receiving a particularly loving goodnight text. Now imagine your life without those things. It’s horrible isn’t it?
I could talk all day about the horrors of the long distance relationship, but you will never hear me say that it wasn’t worth it. Stay with it. If you have to wait for years before you can be together the way that you want to be together, wait four years. If you have to wait longer, wait longer. You will never regret staying with and supporting the person that means the most to you, but I can’t even imagine how it would feel to let the person that literally completes your soul slip away. Nurture love, and never let it go.