Blog Archives

Dear Peter Jackson,

Dear Peter Jackson,
I must admit that I do like you. “Bad Taste,” is quite wonderful, and your accent is quite enjoyable as well. However, next time you want to spend 250 million dollars, do take into consideration that there is still you know…world hunger and shit….You know what, I dont think taht hes listening. Lets keep this between you and me.
Before we proceed I should mention that yes, I do understand that the guy who came up with “Butt Weed,” http://youtu.be/9dAqarJCxWw and “Yoda Kush,” http://youtu.be/8eXrLcISjCc has very little right to critisize Peter Jackson. Luckily, I’m an easily outraged American fool with a blog and the diluted perception that my opinion matters just because some wig wearing rebels said that it did a couple hundred years ago. So with that in mind, let us proceed accordingly. To clarify, the third installment of “The Hobbit,” is not a bad film. The issue is that it could have been a fifteen or twenty minute addition to the second film, and not a 2 1/2 hour 250 million dollar sequel. While the massive battle that accounts for two hours of the film is indeed enjoyable and bad ass, and all the other adjectives that we like to ascribe to battle scenes, it was in no way something that the lord of the rings franchise was lacking. The original trilogy had more than enough battles, and while it was nice to see them updated with the effects available now, it doesnt necisarily make it necessary.
So yes, the plot is somewhat diluted- the film simply did not demand 2 1/2 hours of our time, but that does not make it a complete failure. As I said, the battles really are enjoyable, and the actual sequences with Smog are also pretty cool. And also, there is nothing more enjoyable than watching an orc die. I dont know why that is. Perhaps they make them out of Hitler juice and Kim Kardashian droppings. Either way, ultimately the film is not ultimately a failure. Enter with pre managed expectations, and I doubt that you will be dissapointed.
Thanks for reading,
Paul Durante
Please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul and follow my blog by entering your eamil on the right hand side of the screen.

the real “f-word”

i dont know why i still engage in them. @buttsniffer67 rarely has anything nice to say about ferguson, and while i have made strides with @bongwater27 he is still largely unaware of how damaging words like “faggot” and “retard,” are to the community at large. truthfully, i never expected that people would be outraged to find out that i dont like racism, or that i believe that white privilege is a profound problem in our country, or that i think that saying “faggot,” is just as ingnorant as using the N-word. and yet they always are, and they never have any particularly rational line of thinking to explain their feelings- simply bold accusations of why i am in fact a strong representation of the words that i so deplore. if ever there was a sure way to engage me in a fight it is to simply utter the word “faggot”. it is not out of fear of being aligned with the gay community (because i LOVE the gay community) that i protest so much to this form of name calling, but because i understand that it is a hate word. dont tell me that you aren’t prejudice- it doesnt matter. if youre using the same word as bigots, your a contributing factor to a massive scale problem. if you are summarizing an entire lifestyle in one word, and then using that word as an insult to throw at someone over twitter, than you contributing to a large scale problem. there is nothing that makes my blood boil more than seeing these hate words pop up on my timeline. anyway, thats my tirade. no solution, no glimmer of hope, just a short little tangent about why i am pissed off this morning.
thanks for reading
paul durante
please follow blog by putting in email address on right hand side of screen, and follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

vagabond.

*if you enjoy please follow blog by entering email on right hand side of screen and follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul*
school is my lex luthor. luther? its a pain in my ass. but then thats true of everyone. the issue at hand is not quite as simple as hating school, its where that leaves me. a year and a half ago i left home for a university life that i had never wanted for myself. it fell into my lap more than anything else, and while i love the life that it facilitates for me with my fiance- a woman who very much appreciates her education, it leaves me in a pickle. my hometown is…well home for me. its where my friends are, its where my family is- its where i can get a job, and its where i dont have to. its dewmont. its everything that my surrogate town is not and more, and yet i am far from it. over one hundred miles away; a sentiment that is true even when it isnt. two years ago, while i was still in the community college that would serve as the as the foundation for dewmont, i made a statement to my then girlfriend (now fiance) that college students were essentially homeless. those that live in the dorms i meant. for nine months they are in a little room that they essentially rent, and then they spend the other three at home. i reckoned that constant moving- the lack of a given stable environment would cause an identity rift- a lack of a sense of belonging in any given location. she told me that she thought i was wrong and i decided that she was probably right, given that she was the one at the university at the time. now it is me that is experiencing dorm life, and i am quite certain that i had had it right the first time. when i go home, i find that everything changes- and when i am here nothing does. in both cases i am molded by the environment at hand. it is not i that shape- but rather i am shaped by it. its a conundrum without resolution. an issue that i cannot solve- but that doesnt make it any less true. how about you let me know what you think? is college as bad as i say it is, or am i just making shit up so that i have something to write about?
comment below, follow by entering your email adress on the right hand side of the screen, and follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul
thanks
paul durante

Ebola Ebola Ebola, Obama

please allow me to step away from political commentary for a moment to plug my new video. its the latest thinking in mediocrity. ebola ebola ebola, obama, is the third installment in what has become my vlog, the wednesday show. like the other videos before it, this episode is sure to be the latest and greatest thing in mediocrity. in all seriousness folks, i am indeed the worlds worst blogger. its certainly something to be seen. heres the link http://youtu.be/ZJbGNWIDCqk
for those of you following along regularly on my blog know, i have set up some end of the year goals for my self. two hundred blog followers (i need 46 more) 200 youtube subscribers (i need ten more) and 1000 twitter followers (i need 380 more. so if any of you would like to help me reach those goals, please like, share, tell your friends, follow me on twitter or whatever else you find it in your heart to do. just think of this as your end of the year charity. some people donate to the poor, you follow a mediocre blog that thinks it is clever for using undercase letters. some people hand out food on the holidays, you like a youtube video that is shittier than our current political climate….actually maybe you should help those other people out. it sounds like they need it more….
thanks for reading
paul durante
please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

leases, lives, and other things that i don’t want to ruin.

yesterday i signed my first lease. i read the agreement and everything. fifteen pages to tell me that i pay them, and they let me live there. i dont, and they kick me out. in addition to that, as of course those of you that consistently read my blog know, i am engaged. that’s alot to handle for a person who is notoriously bad at handling….well most things. to say that is a pressure situation is an understatement, and yet as i enter into, it isn’t as daunting as even say, the ten page paper i’m supposed to be writing right now on gawain and the green knight (particularly because i havent read gawain and the green knight). if there is one thing that i have learned in life, it is that almost everything that we are exposed to, every idea, concept or notion that we are lead to believe are socially defined ideals. for example, i am often told i am too young to consider marriage, but why is that? I will be twenty one when i get married, and twenty two when i become certified as a teacher. roughly the same level of maturity by any realistic estimation, and i am simultaneously equipped to serve as a guide to todays youth, but unequipped to take the next step in a relationship i have been building for over two and a half years. see that’s the thing. there isnt a good argument in the world that i have been presented with that makes sense. i dont have enough money? fuck that. i’m never going to have enough money if i become a teacher, and anyway, is there a membership fee attached to being married? i dont think so. in fact, by moving into an appartment together next year we are saving thousands. it will distract from school…hahaha. that one makes me laugh. nothing in the world can distract me from school more than the MOTHERFUCKING HATRED that i have for it. before i met my fiance i was mr 1.7 gpa, and while i still have the heart and soul of a college dropout, i have the gpa of a relatively good student. so no. marriage wont break my studies either, although sir gawain might. see this is my point, my life is going to be defined, because everything is, so that being the case i am going to make damn sure that i am webster. i can think of no better way to start doing that than by marrying the girl i’ve been with and grown with for the last two and a half years. she’s going to get pissed off if she finds out that i got all personal and feelingsy and shit about our relationship online, but i really do love her more than anything else in life, and i can think of no better way to enter into the adult world than by already being married to her. so with that in mind, while i still do get the occasional worrisome inkilings of the 1.7 angry teenager in me that always has to wonder if he is about to mess something up, i still move foreward confident that i am making the right desicions in life.
thanks for reading,
paul durante
follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

A post about friday.

today is friday. if you are reading this, chances are you already knew. and if you are reading this in the future, it probably isn’t friday, but that is little concern of yours. you have mastered time travel, and done everything else of interest to the point where reading my humble little blog seemed like a viable use of your time. i thank you for your radership. and your readership. and the ship that you travel through time with, like doctor who. dwa dwa dwa dwa. that was me onamontapeeaing the fuck out of the doctor who theme song. if you read those words and thought immediately of the show, you are either a true fan, or demonstrating the first signs of schizophrenia. either way, i am glad to have you as a reader. as you may be able to tell, this is not a sort of essay like some of my other posts have been this week. i am not here to profess the dangers of education, or to call my teachers names. no, this angry teenager (who as of yesterday is now twenty one) is happy. he is happy, because today is friday, which means that monday tuesday, wednsday and thursday can go fuck themselves. even sunday is on thin ice. if you havent figured it out by now, i am not much of one for school. i hate it in the same way a rational person might hate hitler. i hate it with the same fervor that americans mis understand things that arent…american. i hate it with more passion that bugs bunny had for tricking donald, with more anger than wallace and gromit had love for cheese, with more more passion than frodo had for sam, because we all know that there was something a little extra going on there. yes, if you know me, you know that i am not meant to be a student. im a journeymen. not particularly good at anything, but willing to try most things that dont involve phd’s and motherfucking fractions. the weekend is a liberating time all of us. aside from being what is perhaps one of the greatest reduncies i have ever passed through the keys of my laptop, it is as true a statement as i can muster. we all need the weekend. without them we might die. well i might. you could be one of those freaks that likes school for all i know. you could be one of those kids that likes their teachers, and raises their hands in class, and knows what the fuck a pathagoreum is and if you are….i appreciate your readership. the point of my posts is not to isolate, but to self express in a most volitilely arrogant ways possible. because the truth is, none of you know me. you might know that i am the goofy motherfucker on youtube that will on occasion slip on and old leather jacket, call himself stirfry and pretend to act, but outside of that, there is no reason for you to have any interest in any of my nonesensical ramblings. so with that in mind, i thank you for your readership.
Now, before i fuck off and enjoy the weekend that i have been at least kind of rambling about, lets talk some shit. first of all, i am happy to be able to report that as of right now i have made good on my resolution to blog a little bit more. next week i will make strides in blogging a little bit better, and before you know it, we will have something decent on our hands. asisde from that, i would also like to mention that in the near future i will be releasing my last video on the present cycle of otto and stirfry videos. dont worry, i m sure there will be a shit ton more than anyone ever wanted there to be very soon. for now, you can see the second to last one here http://youtu.be/NdoKxPI7wqY for best results, like subscribe, and send me your money. in that same vein of thought, i would also like to post on the internet, for the sake of making myself accountable that i would like to begin an at least semi regular video vlog type thing on the youtube channel to suplement the actual scripted videos. so yeah, thats about all my news. enjoy your weekend
Thanks,
paul durante
follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

Self Defined, A Societal Mutant

There is little wiggle room in the mold that is society. Now surely, if you have had the misfortune of over hearing long winded bull shitters such as myself in the past, you realize that an ameturish article littered with typos and comma splices that opens with words like “society,” is sure to be little more than an over blown tirade, but for what it is worth I full heartidly believe in all of the following sentiments. Often enough in this life, in order to be yourself comfortably you have to alter that ideal to make allowances for societal expectations. A boy can like pink so long as it isn’t frilly, a girl can wear her hair short so long as it isn’t masculine, but in reality perceptions of feminity, masculinity, and essentially every thing else that we perceive as normal are more than socially constructed ideals. People (along with their individualized tastes and preferences) enter this world at birth untainted by the expectations of people whose judgments are often assessed upon first site, and remain intact long after the interaction has ended. We are constantly monetering or behaviors and considering the ways in which we appear for people who are only ever going to encounter us in passing. We are defined by our own inability to define OURSELVES. For example, when a surface asssesment of myself might yield the conclusion that I am a Catholic man and English Major aspiring to teach at the secondary level. But lets look closer at that. Am I Catholic because I was Baptized? Because I went to Catholic school? Because I go to church on Sunday? Perhaps, but then again perhaps not. Consider it this way: say you meet me socially, never knowing my educational background or my mid Sunday morning activities, and you find out that I’m a passionate marriage equality activist that likes swearing, believes that Darwin was onto something, and runs a web series prominently featuring two stoners, one of whom I play. Am I still a Catholic? I don’t think so. Not in a strict sense anyway. While I enjoy some of the ideals and experiences that the faith I was raised in affords me, I am at heart my own person with my own thoughts, and my own identity. The same is true of everyone else. Gender, sexuality, religion and even political parties are all umbrella ideas that summarize a person before they are even able to speak for themselves. Unfortunately as I write this, I have already said all that I can say on the matter. While the notion that this is the way things are to be is sickening, I am not sure what can be done to alter it. I think that it starts on an individualized basis though. Chosing to define yourself is the only counter measure against a society that is obsessed with doing it for you.
Anyway, Thanks for reading Folks,
Paul Durante,
Think I am wrong? Tell me about it on Twitter @DewmontPaul Follow me, and then call me smart, call me smart, or call me an asshole, just don’t call me late for dinner.
Want to see one of those videos prominently featuring stoners, (one of whom a poorly play) ? Here’s the link to our latest installment. From what I have heard, Liking and subscribing to my Youtube account is the surest way to prevent forest fires. http://youtu.be/NdoKxPI7wqY

Major Bullshit

The only thing worse than having a major in college is not having one.  When I was in high school a girl that I knew came up to my lunch table and sat down with a big sigh.  I asked her what was wrong and she told me: she had decided to change her major, again.

I know. It’s bull shit.  The fact of the matter is, you cannot have a major in high school.  I think she knew that.  What she meant was that she had for the second time, thought about a new possible career.  She started out wanting to be a teacher and just that day she had decided she wanted to be a dentist.  The girl was drawn to misery.

The truth is that college will screw you any which way.  Either you have a major and you’re locked into a life of hard work and uncertainty in a job market that you most likely don’t want to participate in to begin with, or you are trapped in the monotony of academia by an undecided major, losing thousands of dollars a year that you don’t have and likely won’t for an upwards of ten years.  Or you can skip the entire process now and get a job at Dairy Queen.  The choice is yours.

I chose you!

Today is pretty beyond belief.  The sun is out, but not too hot, and the trees are looking about as nice as they are going to, and yet here I sit in my room, typing away on a mediocre blog, about ready to play Pokémon.  I suppose what I am saying is, Pokémon, I chose you!

There is something about playing Pokémon that makes me forget about the looming threat of adulthood, and the even more pressing issue of end of the semester exams.  Pokémon is timeless, and when I play it, so am I. 
I like the show, I really do, but it is nothing compared to the thrill of stepping into the world, and living in it.  I here a lot of jokes about how Ash never ages, but thank God that it is the case.  In truth it makes perfect since that the young Pokémon Master to be never ages on his journey, because I never age in mine either.  I remember each game like I had just played it, and have developed bonds with cyber animals that are closer than some I have established with humans.  Pokémon preaches about the value of friendship, integrity, and loyalty.  The theme song alone contains more valuable lessons than most anything else that you are likely to encounter, and upon stepping into the land of Pokémon, you know immediately that you are in a better place. 
I am a Pokémon Master, and that will never change.

No More “Slut” Bashing

Dear Stirfry,

                My ex girl friend is a slut.  Since we broke up two weeks ago, she has been with three different guys, and I heard a rumor that when we were still dating she made out with my best friend.  Now it is time for me to get her back.  I’m thinking of sleeping with her sister, what do you think?

Sincerely,

Hot and Bothered

                Dear Misguided,

                What I think is that you sent this to the wrong advice columnist.  But since you are here, let’s take a look at the problem shall we? The problem is not that your girlfriend has “been with” three guys since you broke up, the problem is not even that she kissed your friend (although that is admittedly regrettable) the problem is that you are treating relationships like a game of chess, and victimizing your ex with cruel double standards.  To begin with, she is not a “slut”.  Her body is no one but hers, and she may use it however she chooses without becoming a “slut”.  Would you not have already been with three girls by this point if anyone had dared kiss your misogynistic lips? There is a cruel double standard in our country that you have made someone that you claim to have at least at one point cared about, a victim of.  Men can pursue as sex as much as they please without judgment while women cannot.  But let’s move past that.  Under no circumstance is it right for you to sleep with her sister.  Hurting someone else to get back at someone who no longer wants anything to do with you is cruel and absurd.  What you need to do is move on, Bothered.  Well that’s it, that’s my schpeal.  Don’t you wish you had written to Otto?

Sincerely Yours,

Stirfry