Blog Archives

Weed, Urine, and Motherf***ing Joe Biden

Hello friends, family, the indifferent other!  For those of you that don’t know, my name is Paul Durante, and for the last year or so, I have been working on developing a web series titled “The Dewmont Daze.”  In that time, I have released a mdoerate amount of shorts, but the series itself was stalled several times.  BUT now it’s finally here, and you can watch it.

Yes that’s right, for the low low price of no money whatsoever, you can let my mediocrity inspire you into creating some of your own.  And the best part?  Each episode is only seven to eight minutes long.  Did you ever see Avatar?  That bullshit went on for three God damn hours, and by the time it was over all that we learned was that it costs a half billion dollars to make a statement on human wastefulness.  But that’s not the nonsense that you get here- no, with my series you can get loads of human wastefulness in seven minute incriments!  SUPPORT A DIRECTOR THAT RESPECTS YOUR TIME!

Ok, so that said, here is the second episode!

If you have watched any of my previous videos, you might recognize two of the characters.

But wait!  You’re saying that you haven’t seen episode 1?  Well that’s no problem, you could probably manage episode two without having seen it, but fuck that!  Here it is, free of charge, and of blue people!

There you go!  Free entertainment, littered with weed, urine, and Motherfucking Joe Biden!

Thanks for watching

Paul Durante

Follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul

Lies your teachers tell you.

The notion that school is important is itself a delusion. Jobs are important, and while an extended education is most certainly a typically critical way of obtaining one, understanding the thought process of William Blake (an arrogant asshole if ever there was one) will not help me at any important moment of my life. On my wedding day (next July my friends) understanding the metaphorical implications of Thel will not do me any favors. When my first child is born (not next July) understanding the signifigance of “Cry’s from the Daughters of Albinon,” will not do me any favors. Granted, I am an English major, which of course means that my studies are largely confined to a socially structured notion of what is or is not important. Essentially, Dante (who is far less an asshole than Blake though hardly more exciting) is important because my suit wearing PHD tainted professor says the he is. The truth of course is that that is not correct. I am the same person that I was two years ago, regardless of what I now know about the historical undertones of what Mary Shelly was saying in Frankenstein. I will make the allowance of mentioning that I do like books, and while I very clearly have a particularly harsh disdain for Mr. Blake, some of the texts that we read aren’t so bad. I have enjoyed the Illiad, the Odessey, the works of Langston Hughes and Mary Shelley, and even that of Jane Austin. Dante is interesting as well, and so are the works of Junot Diaz and Michael Chabon. And for the grand total of seventy five dollars and an amazon account, I could have obtained and read those texts at my leisure. Instead I spend my days literally tens of thousands of dollars in debt reading three weeks at a time and wondering what my teachers want me to say about them. I feel it goes without saying that this is not a pleasant existance.
“Shut the hell up you stupid piece of shit and go back to acting poorly and calling yourself Stirfry!”
WOAH. Some hostility from the back. OK, i can recognize that some of my complaints are exclusive to my major, and that I am indeed a bad actor with a knack for naming characters after food. But does that mean that I am wrong, and that the education system is perfect? I don’t think so.
While I have chosen a field of study in which all texts are subjective and the act of judging an assesment of said texts is a shocking abuse of power, the same can not be said of all majors. Biology is for an example a major that very well might actually be a necessary step in the process of working in the field of science. While I hate the notion that a sustainable job can essentially only be obtained through continued education, I can readily accept the fact that for many fields extended learning is necessary. Doctors for example should feel free to learn as much as they can before they start cutting people open. But does it have to be so expensive? My campus has multiple show piece buildings constructed costly for the sake of archticture and maintained thoroughly each year so as not to degrade. That’s where my tuition is going. At my old school (the inspiration for Dewmont) half of my classes took place in trailers behind campus, and the yearly tuition was 6000$ . You can call me an asshole, but it simply does not make sense to say that the way that we spend money for education is practicle. We need more Dewmont, and A whole hell of a lot less Harvard.
Thanks ,
Paul
Think I’m an ignorant fool? Take to the internet to tell me! Follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul and tell me all about how silly I am.

“I’ll Sleep When I’m Succesful” And other stupid desicions that might kill me

School is most surely a machination of evil. The fact that I am thousands in debt to pay for it ifs a great irony, the fact that I am an English major that can’t spell or tell you what a Subject Compliment is is a great tragedy, and the fact math still somehow worms it’s way into the equation is nothing short of demonic. The life of a student is not a particularly happy one, and for this particularly bitter student it’s a hell of Dante-esque proportions. The truth is, the only thing that I really enjoy doing is writing, regardless of talented I may or may not be at it. SO this semeseter I made a resolution, a two parter if you will. The first and most gripping aspect of this resolution is simple: Regardless of circumstance, it is absolutely necessary that I put everything that I can into my writing. THere is of course a more rigid timeline with specific goals and such, but the most important thing to understand is taht it involves lots of work.
So far so good. While my blogging and youtubing has had to take a back seat for awhile, it doesnt mean that I haven’t been writing. In the past few months, I have written an entire novel length work, starring the character Funky, from my webseries The Dewmont Daze, along with many other characters from the series that end up making appearances in the book as well. Since then, I’ve been editing religously, and while I am far from done, it’s been a good time. So what’s the problem? Part 2 of my resolution.
Unfortunately, I am still a student. It’s an anomaly from the guy that came out of high school with a 1.7 GPA, who also used to write out his math homework using pizza sauce for ink. At heart I think that I still am that kid, but now taht kid is also engaged. Next July I am getting married to a girl with an impressive Gpa that only ever uses pizza sauce as food. It is for her that I do better in school now I think, but it is in that vein of thought that my problem arises. School isn’t easy, even when you are a sparknotes regular. As I edit my longer work, and gear up to start the first season of “The Dewmont Daze,” which will hopefully begin filming the beginning of February, I am also faced with the same amount of homework as everyone else. Which leads us to our title. “I’ll sleep when I’m Succesful.” Every night I go to bed at midnight and every morning I get up at ten minutes till six. The time between six and midnight is spent working hard, both on the things that are important to me, and about the things that are stupid fucking school. And the idea really is just that. I’ll sleep when there is nothing left to write, or until the internet is mean enough to me that it makes me want to quit. This is a resolution that a more talented writer could perhaps makes with some promise of success, but as for me, well, we will see, but no matter what the journey has been a long one, and just like Robert Frost, I have miles to go before I sleep, and Miles to go before I sleep. But then again when he finally did go to bed, he did so as an iconic poet, and not a motherfucker that calls himself Stirfry on the internet sometimes. So we’ll see how this goes, but in the mean time you can expect much more regular blog posts, and in the near future, and a whole crap ton of youtube videos no one ever asked for. As for the book, I’ll keep you posted, but for now, here is our latest youtube video.

I think that this goes without saying, but please like and subscribe. Unless you don’t like it. In that case, subscribe, and pass the videos off to someone you dont like. Any publicity is good publicity. And if you like me, follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul . If you hate me, also follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul, and tell me that I suck.
Thanks,
Paul

This is the shit that moves stadiums

Dear Everyone,

Hi! It’s me Otto! Sorry I have been away and all.  The whole thing about it was that I didn’t want to write any more of these stupid fucking articles…but regardless, I am here now to talk about what is most definitely, most honestly the greatest theatre going experience that any non pretentious ass munches will ever experience.  This modern day “Citizen Kane” that I am going on about is of course, “X-Men Days of Future Past.” It took me a long time to figure out what the title meant, long in the sense that I am still trying to figure it out, but a strong understanding of titles is not what makes a good blog, so with that in mind, lets go foreward shall we?
The magnet guy moves a stadium.  I’m not trying to give anything away, although it certainly wont ruin my day if I do, but yeah, the magnet guy moves a stadium.  I don’t know how, and I still aren’t sure exactly why, but that shit happens.  Its awesome.  That is all,

Yeedin yip yip and shit,

Love

Otto