Blog Archives

Follow Your Bliss

Dear Otto,

                To be blunt, I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  My friends and family tell me to go to college, but my heart tells me to pursue acting.  What do you think?

Sincerely

Scared and Frustrated

                Dear Scared,

                Yeedin yip yip and shit! You’ve come to the right place! I know a great deal about disappointing my friends and family.  Your friends and family aren’t the ones who have to sit miserably in a classroom all day, you are.  So do what makes you happy.  Sometimes life works itself out.  I forgot to register for classes this semester and I have never been happier.

Sincerely yours,

Otto

I lit a bush on fire with A Blunt

Dear Everyone,
High! As some of you may know, a few months ago I got into some trouble. They thought that I had lit a bush on fire with a blunt because…well because I lit a bush on fire with a blunt. Those days are behind me though now, and I am officially off probation! That means no more drug test, and no more blunts. From now on it’s just bowls and bongs for me. And the occasional joint. And blunt. Ok, not a lot has changed on that front. You know what they say though; “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but no one cared because they were all high as fuck”. That might not be an exact quote, I dont read the bible. Anyway, I’m writing this to say that I am back in buisness! Thank you for reading!
Yeedin Yip Yip and shit,
Love,
Otto

It’s not stealing if it’s easy

Dear Everyone,

Do you have what tit takes to steal? Ask yourself, “Will Walmart really miss this chapstic? Will Ruby Tuesdays really miss this cool spoon? Will my neighbor really miss his puppy?” The evils of theft are subjective.  If a place has so much that they are easy to steal from, chances are it probably isn’t wrong.  Have you ever tried to rob a church? They just leave their shit laying out there.  They are asking to be robbed.  They are saying “Hey Otto, eat some of our oreos, spill some of our milk and refuse to cry,use our toilet paper and then put it back” (clean up on aisle three). Thank you for reading everyone!

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love,

Otto

Pokemon Poop Too

Dear Everyone,

By now, I would assume that you know what a Pokeball is.  If not, get out of here, I don’t even understand what you thought you were doing.  For the rest of you, Hi, how are you doing? Good, that’s what I thought.  Todays post is about Pokemon, and most specifically, when do they poop? Say someone has five outstanding Pokemon, and one Rattatta.  The five other Pokemon battle all the time, and while they are out, they probably shit.  Not that rattatta.  No, Rattatta has never pooped, and now he is dead.  Thank you for reading everybody.

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love,

Otto

Bullshit named Finals

Dear Everyone,

Finals are silly.  Its a well known fact that people don’t remember things that they learn in school, they are too busy contemplating the fame of the Kardashians, and missing Breaking Bad.  Homework is for the Amish, who don’t have Facebook, twitter, or excitement to keep them busy.  Don’t worry, chances are they wont see this.  Finals can only be attributed to one of two things.  The first is that the Professors are simply ignorant.  They do not understand that we don’t know about, or care about anything that they have said over the past few months.  It is a fair enough mistake on their part, given that they are the only people in the world that enjoy fractions. I am afraid that the second possibility is a somewhat more sinister one. Professors know that you don’t care. They aren’t stupid, not most of them anyway. They know you don’t care, and they are trying to punish you. It is time to take back the end of the school year. It is time to say “no, I don’t want to take your exam Mr./Mrs. Asshole. Fight the power!
Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,
Love
Otto

Butt Cracks and Hamburgers

Dear Everyone,

Today, I saw a man with very low jeans, and seemingly no underwear.  Out of fairness, I will give him the benefit of the doubt, and say that he was wearing, just not in the right place.  I saw every bit of that mans ass crack, with threats of seeing his asshole.  It made me hungry.

Now, to be fair, it was around lunch time, but this particular hunger was a specific one.  After seeing this mans harry sweaty ass, I wanted a hamburger.  I wouldn’t have objected to a little bit of cheese on it either. So with that in mind, I leave you all with this question, what does that say more about, this mans ass, or the hamburgers that I have eaten in the past?

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love

Otto

Math is silly, so Dance

Dear Everyone,

Math is silly, so dance! I’ m sitting here in the math building of Dewmont Community College, not doing my homework, wondering instead why anyone would smile in the general vascinity of here.  You can’t trust someone that is happy about doing math. 

I’ve been sitting here for the past thirty minutes, sober, trying to figure out how to divide fractions.  It’s worse than trying to watch a Michael Bay movie.  This whole time I have had that Solja Boy song stuck in my head, and now all I want to do is Crank that Solja boy.  I think that I will, because math is silly, and I might as well dance.

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Otto

Please Read This

Dear Everyone,

Hi.  I would like you to read this.  I would like you to read all of this, because it makes me happy when you read this.  Cheezitz also make me happy.  You could get me cheezitz if you wanted and I would also be happy, but in order to know that you should do that, you would have to have read this. 

Anyway, school is stupid right? I have six assaignments to do right now, and instead I’m writing about Cheezitz.  I didn’t even bother to check and see if I was spelling it right.  I probably wasn’t! Anyway, If you are like me and you need to do work, but you don’t want to, you should further explore our site.  Most of the articles on here are far better than this one, and the ones that aren’t are written by me!

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Otto

Butt Stuff

Dear Everyone,

Have you ever looked at your butt, and found that there is stuff in and around it? No, I’m not talking about jewelry, or cell phone chargers.  I’m talking about lent (not the catholic thing, the butt stuff thing).  How does it get there? I didn’t put it there, and to be honest, I didn’t really want it to be there to begin with.  Is someone putting it there for me? I don’t want them to.

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Sincerely yours,

Otto

The Politics of Pokemon

The Politics of Pokemon

An Ottotastic Musing

I’m on a roll today.  Fresh off a bathroom break, I’m ready to knock another article out of the park.  If you haven’t already read my previous post of the day “I have to pee” please do so immediately.  Otherwise, welcome back. 

Today we will be talking about the politics of Pokémon.  No, not the show featuring the immortal little boy changing the world with a pocket full of balls, today we will be examining the video game about the immortal little boy (or girl you sexist slime) that saves the world with a pocket full of balls.  Like all the reporters here at the Daily Dewmont News, I am quite the fan of the Pokémon series.  I love the movies, I love the cards, I love the show, and I love the video games.  However, what I do not love is the clear impact that inflation has had on their community.

Twelve hundred dollars

for an ultra ball? Fuck that shit, I’ll catch those critters with my hands. A million dollars for a bike? I would rather walk. A level based rate for the day care people to make your Pokémon…intimate?….I don’t really have a comment for that one, but it’s fucked up. So how do we change this? Support local business’s! No more Poke marts, no more Pokémon Centers! They are driving small mom and pop shops out of the world of Pokémon that we all know and cherish. The Pokémon economy is going to hell, and you are all out there paying for it’s one way ticket.
Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,
Otto
Thanks for Reading! Please follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul for more random stuff about Pokemon, and follow this blog by typing in your email on the right hand side of your screen. THANKS!