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Weed, Urine, and Motherf***ing Joe Biden

Hello friends, family, the indifferent other!  For those of you that don’t know, my name is Paul Durante, and for the last year or so, I have been working on developing a web series titled “The Dewmont Daze.”  In that time, I have released a mdoerate amount of shorts, but the series itself was stalled several times.  BUT now it’s finally here, and you can watch it.

Yes that’s right, for the low low price of no money whatsoever, you can let my mediocrity inspire you into creating some of your own.  And the best part?  Each episode is only seven to eight minutes long.  Did you ever see Avatar?  That bullshit went on for three God damn hours, and by the time it was over all that we learned was that it costs a half billion dollars to make a statement on human wastefulness.  But that’s not the nonsense that you get here- no, with my series you can get loads of human wastefulness in seven minute incriments!  SUPPORT A DIRECTOR THAT RESPECTS YOUR TIME!

Ok, so that said, here is the second episode!

If you have watched any of my previous videos, you might recognize two of the characters.

But wait!  You’re saying that you haven’t seen episode 1?  Well that’s no problem, you could probably manage episode two without having seen it, but fuck that!  Here it is, free of charge, and of blue people!

There you go!  Free entertainment, littered with weed, urine, and Motherfucking Joe Biden!

Thanks for watching

Paul Durante

Follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul

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It Looks like I gave you a break.

Oh hi there.  It’s been a while hasn’t it?  Listen….I got married.  I like you all and everything,but quite frankly none of you seemed entirely interested in spending the rest of your life with me, so the blog had to take what I suppose you could call a brief hiatus.  So now, school starts in several days, and I thought to myself “what better time to initiate a major distraction?”  The privilage of an education does have a way of making you want to completely disconnect from the world, and given that in nine months I will be expected to try and join the work force with nothing but an English degree and a bad attitude to guide me, I thought that now would be the perfect time to fully immerse myself in a world that is tedious as it is pointless.  Because really,while I do like you guys, but given that there is only like three of you, this blog is about as worthwhile as anything else, which is to say not very.  But hey, it’s more fun than school, and still probably worth my time than a real job.  So yes, The goal, the hope, the aspiration is to do this as close to daily as I possibly can.  You’ll get to here about my marriage, my web series, and my stupid opinions!
Cheers to that eh?

Thanks for reading-

Paul Durante

Follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

I Wrote a Book about Suicide

*Segments in quotation marks are excerpts”.
If you’ve never tried writing I highly recommend it. It’s weird and wonderful, creative and personal. It’s tremendous-right up until the moment that a stranger tells you that the story you have poured your heart into is” good but….
“But I feel someone else might be better equipped to represent it”. “But I’m afraid that I can’t think of any editors to put this in front of.” “But I’m not sure what the market is for a book like this.” The first couple times you just focus on the part where they said it was good, but then you realize that that’s a very kind way of saying that they’re not sure my book would make them money. At first I found that aggravating, but then that’s absurd isn’t it? In a world where publishers have to compete with Youtube and whatever Kimye has going on in their dreadfully public lives, they have no choice but to swing for the fences when it comes to what they publish, and agents likewise need focus on the books that they know they can sell. I can sympathize with that, and quite frankly, I wrote a weird little book. Time is money, so why should they spend theirs trying to figure out if they can sell my novel? And then it occurred to me to find out for myself.
So that’s what this post is for. I’ve spent the last two months trying to find a literary agent, and while I understand that a lot of people spend a great deal more time than that looking for the right person to represent them, I myself am leaning in another direction. While I have no hard feelings towards literary agents, I have recently sought out publishing houses that allow you to submit without the backing of an agent. My current favorite is “Impulse Publishers,” both because I sincerely feel as though my novel would fit in nicely there, and because its home to the same sort of books that I myself read (and because they’re smart, handsome/beautiful/any other adjecitves that would make them like me enough to publish my novel, people). However, I see very little reason to submit to them at this point, unless I myself can determine that this is indeed a novel that people would want to read. My goal (absurd as it may be) is to receive ten thousand positive responses to this post. And what is a positive response? Anything that signifies that this is a novel that you would be willing to buy. Like my post, leave a comment, share it with your friends. If the idea strikes you kindly, please do everything that you can to help me spread the word. It could potentially help me out a great deal. So what’s going to happen now is I am going to tell you about the novel. If you like it you can give me a helping hand. If you don’t, well I don’t know. You can tell all your friends about the douchebag you met on the internet I guess. Anyway, here it is.
“I find myself awakening in my own skin, righteous with self discovery, now fully ready and eager for the end…..until at the last moment I am saved by own metaphorical webbing, and in an instant my life comes flooding back down upon me all at once like a damn breaking. Spiderman takes off his mask, and he is Peter Parker. I stop convulsing on the floor just long enough to be Tyler Metz, dog whisper and murderer”.
The novel that I wrote is titled Something Decent. It is a first person narrative told from the perspective of twenty four year old slacker stoner Tyler Metz, who sits on his couch one slow Friday morning with a joint in one hand, and a cigarette in the other, his eyes glued to what are apparently a particularly good batch of cartoons. It’s a typical day in the life of an unemployed man child, though not for long. As Tyler sits smoking alone on his couch, from seemingly out of nowhere his dog walks into the room on its hind legs transforming slightly with every step until he stands before Tyler looking almost human. This dog, who up until that point he had known as Peter speaks to him, his words growing ever more haunting with each passing sentence. Tyler is at first able to keep his cool, trying to participate in his own mental break down to the best of his abilities (as psychosis so rarely lends itself to such rare circumstances) but as “Peter” confronts Tyler with his dark past (“And I know that you killed your uncle because he fucked you.”), he is no longer able to keep his cool, and in a fit of righteous rage he shoves the animal to the ground and stabs it in the heart killing it quickly.
And that is how the book begins. Before he can fully process what has happened Tyler is forced to defend himself from the lingering spirit of the murderer that had possessed his dog. He does so with the help of a suicidal spirit guide named Zeke, a drug dealing psychic named Funky, and a man named Joseph Hoffman, asshole, Satanist, and Catholic priest, (not necessarily in that order). But that’s not all that there is to the novel.
“I have never encountered a more dehumanizing experience than walking around like a shell, living the life of a person that I barely recognized. That was what my life had become. I was in the middle of a long plummet, with no net, and no hope of finding one.”
Yes, it’s a silly little story about a boy that’s being pursued by his former pet (turned walking talking asshole) but truthfully it is more than that, at least to me anyway. There are demons, and ghosts and drug dealers, and yes there are plenty of jokes (this is not one of those talking dog books that takes itself too seriously) but to me it’s more than that. It’s a story written for those that have walked the streets wearing a smile that is not their own, wondering why no one else could understand that they were suffering. It’s a story for people who have contemplated the nuances of life and death, and perhaps decided that the latter was simpler. It is my own personal attempt to navigate through the dark terrain of living, dying, and the vague in between. If you read this and you understand the feeling, and would like to walk through the journey with me (in an outlet that is softened by stoners and talking dogs) then let me know here. Like my post, share it with your friends on twitter and facebook, and shoot me a comment letting me know what you think. And you know what? If you think I’m full of shit you can say that too. It’s a whole lot better than hearing “It’s good, but….”.
“Life is what you make it, and I have made mine twice. There is what you see, and what you don’t: each iteration is just as real as the next, if you want it to be. The only question now is who do you want me to be? Perhaps it’s my wounded poetic soul crying out, but I would love to share, I would love to say everything, because then I can be alive. Then, the person that I am can exist beyond the dimensions of my skull. Maybe I’ll be just as fucked up as ever or maybe I won’t but–Oh. You aren’t listening. That’s ok, I understand, no one likes a sad clown.”

Follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul for updates on what is happening with Something Decent.

Dear Peter Jackson,

Dear Peter Jackson,
I must admit that I do like you. “Bad Taste,” is quite wonderful, and your accent is quite enjoyable as well. However, next time you want to spend 250 million dollars, do take into consideration that there is still you know…world hunger and shit….You know what, I dont think taht hes listening. Lets keep this between you and me.
Before we proceed I should mention that yes, I do understand that the guy who came up with “Butt Weed,” http://youtu.be/9dAqarJCxWw and “Yoda Kush,” http://youtu.be/8eXrLcISjCc has very little right to critisize Peter Jackson. Luckily, I’m an easily outraged American fool with a blog and the diluted perception that my opinion matters just because some wig wearing rebels said that it did a couple hundred years ago. So with that in mind, let us proceed accordingly. To clarify, the third installment of “The Hobbit,” is not a bad film. The issue is that it could have been a fifteen or twenty minute addition to the second film, and not a 2 1/2 hour 250 million dollar sequel. While the massive battle that accounts for two hours of the film is indeed enjoyable and bad ass, and all the other adjectives that we like to ascribe to battle scenes, it was in no way something that the lord of the rings franchise was lacking. The original trilogy had more than enough battles, and while it was nice to see them updated with the effects available now, it doesnt necisarily make it necessary.
So yes, the plot is somewhat diluted- the film simply did not demand 2 1/2 hours of our time, but that does not make it a complete failure. As I said, the battles really are enjoyable, and the actual sequences with Smog are also pretty cool. And also, there is nothing more enjoyable than watching an orc die. I dont know why that is. Perhaps they make them out of Hitler juice and Kim Kardashian droppings. Either way, ultimately the film is not ultimately a failure. Enter with pre managed expectations, and I doubt that you will be dissapointed.
Thanks for reading,
Paul Durante
Please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul and follow my blog by entering your eamil on the right hand side of the screen.

Cyber Terrorism.

Um…what the fuck? We aren’t releasing a movie now because of cyber bullying? Listen, I understand full heartidly that the prospect of another domestic attack is terrifying, but I also understand that it is not going to happen over a Seth Rogen movie. For a country that maintains that it does’t negotiate with terrorists, this is a step in the wrong direction. Now lets pause. Before I get any self rightoes right wing internet trolls on my ass, yes, I know that the United States is not the one that is pulling “The Interview,” from theaters. Sony is responsible for this decision, and while I understand their position in wanting to protect the interests of their distributing theaters, I am disappointed to see that we are giving into the demands of a fucking dictator. Freedom of speech is perhaps the best thing about this country, and to say that Mr. Rogen cannot express himself in a COMEDY is a step in the wrong direction. All this bullshit has made me want to do is see the shit out of this movie.
Thanks for reading guys,
Paul Durante
Please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul
Follow my blog by entering your email on the right side of the screen.

I’m Done!!!

this is going one becasue, well it can be. i’m done motherfuckers! school is over. no more papers, no more tests, no more nothing. im free as a motherfucking zebra. im an eel that hasnt been entrapped in a confining tank, roaming out and about in the open sea shocking starfish and taking names. and im all out of starfish. or names. whatever. i’m free!
time for netflix, friends, family, and reading. oh god. READING. i forgot that people could even do that. you know, because im a college student and all. for the last four months my life has been a hurricane of sparknotes and wikipedia. to read for fun, and to do it from a real live book (*livilyness of books may vary*) will be wonderful. i can even contemplate playing a video game. that would be nice. i never play video games. oh sure, i play pokemon from time to time, but that is more of a lifestyle choice than anything else, and its one that i carryout proudly. gosh. i cant wait to forget all of the bullshit that i just learned.
thanks for reading guys.
paul durante.
please follow my blog by entering in your email address on the right hand side of the screen, and follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

the real “f-word”

i dont know why i still engage in them. @buttsniffer67 rarely has anything nice to say about ferguson, and while i have made strides with @bongwater27 he is still largely unaware of how damaging words like “faggot” and “retard,” are to the community at large. truthfully, i never expected that people would be outraged to find out that i dont like racism, or that i believe that white privilege is a profound problem in our country, or that i think that saying “faggot,” is just as ingnorant as using the N-word. and yet they always are, and they never have any particularly rational line of thinking to explain their feelings- simply bold accusations of why i am in fact a strong representation of the words that i so deplore. if ever there was a sure way to engage me in a fight it is to simply utter the word “faggot”. it is not out of fear of being aligned with the gay community (because i LOVE the gay community) that i protest so much to this form of name calling, but because i understand that it is a hate word. dont tell me that you aren’t prejudice- it doesnt matter. if youre using the same word as bigots, your a contributing factor to a massive scale problem. if you are summarizing an entire lifestyle in one word, and then using that word as an insult to throw at someone over twitter, than you contributing to a large scale problem. there is nothing that makes my blood boil more than seeing these hate words pop up on my timeline. anyway, thats my tirade. no solution, no glimmer of hope, just a short little tangent about why i am pissed off this morning.
thanks for reading
paul durante
please follow blog by putting in email address on right hand side of screen, and follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul

vagabond.

*if you enjoy please follow blog by entering email on right hand side of screen and follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul*
school is my lex luthor. luther? its a pain in my ass. but then thats true of everyone. the issue at hand is not quite as simple as hating school, its where that leaves me. a year and a half ago i left home for a university life that i had never wanted for myself. it fell into my lap more than anything else, and while i love the life that it facilitates for me with my fiance- a woman who very much appreciates her education, it leaves me in a pickle. my hometown is…well home for me. its where my friends are, its where my family is- its where i can get a job, and its where i dont have to. its dewmont. its everything that my surrogate town is not and more, and yet i am far from it. over one hundred miles away; a sentiment that is true even when it isnt. two years ago, while i was still in the community college that would serve as the as the foundation for dewmont, i made a statement to my then girlfriend (now fiance) that college students were essentially homeless. those that live in the dorms i meant. for nine months they are in a little room that they essentially rent, and then they spend the other three at home. i reckoned that constant moving- the lack of a given stable environment would cause an identity rift- a lack of a sense of belonging in any given location. she told me that she thought i was wrong and i decided that she was probably right, given that she was the one at the university at the time. now it is me that is experiencing dorm life, and i am quite certain that i had had it right the first time. when i go home, i find that everything changes- and when i am here nothing does. in both cases i am molded by the environment at hand. it is not i that shape- but rather i am shaped by it. its a conundrum without resolution. an issue that i cannot solve- but that doesnt make it any less true. how about you let me know what you think? is college as bad as i say it is, or am i just making shit up so that i have something to write about?
comment below, follow by entering your email adress on the right hand side of the screen, and follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul
thanks
paul durante

Yik Yak and Eric Garner.

*Thanks for Reading-If you enjoy please Follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul, and follow my blog by inputting your email address on the right hand side of the screen*

I feel as though I only ever get on this thing when I am angry with global affairs anymore, but then that makes sense, given that I am always angry with global affairs. Actually I am not sure that it is fair to say global…more like national, and in this case, campus wide. Yes that’s right, my very own university is currently making the headlines that make me want to spontaneously combust with rage. If its all the same to you folks, I’d rather not say where I go-you know for the purpose of personal preservation and all, but rest assured it is a sess pool of frivolous exams, mediocre food, and apparently a fleet of ignorant assholes just barely smart enough to express their hateful little thoughts on social media. For those of you unfamiliar with the plague that is Yik Yak, it is essentially an anonymous version of twitter that allows for users to share their thoughts, coordinate parties by utilizing geographically focused posts, and making racist assholes of themselves for all of my lovely surragote town to see. I come from a town that is not astoundingly diverse, but growing up the attitudes and sentiments that I encountered were generally good spirited, even when they were somewhat culturally unaware, but what I have encountered here speaks loudly of one tragically undeniable truth:if such a thing as a post racial society exists, we are not living in it.
I feel safe in saying that everyone reading this is aware of the videotaped murder of Eric Garner that was carried about by police men on the streets of New York city. And if that is the case I am equally confident that you all know that his murderers have not been indicted. Now I can not speak of the heart of Daniel Panteleo (Garner’s murderer). I cannot say for certain if he is a racist, or simply a violent man but I can say that the Grand Jury’s inability to indict him is very much indicitive of a society that does not value black lives. It is because of this lack of respect for the African American population that students at my school chose to organize a peaceful protest under the simple yet poignant slogan- black lives matter. It’s a phrase that has been all over the news lately, as well it should be, and as I am sure most would see it, it is a phrase that is not in the least bit offensive. Right?
Wrong. That’s the way that my campus seems to feel anyway. Yik Yak lit up in light of the looming protests with messages only the most simplistic and hateful minds could have concocted.
Black lives dont matter.
Lincoln never should have freed you.
If I see a protesting black person today I’m going to shoot them.
This goes far beyond racial insensitivity. Its insanity. It is literally some of the most hateful language that I have ever encountered in my life before, and while it may fit in just fine at a klan meeting, it has no business residing on the social media page of what is supposed to be an educated campus. Truthfully, I can’t comment much more on it- there is very little else for me to say. But I would like to hear what you think. What’s the solution here? What does bull crap like this mean for our county, and what can we do to resolve it?
Thanks for reading folks,
Paul Durante
If you feel so inclined please leave a comment to let me know your thoughts. Also, If you have enjoyed my post, please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul and Follow my blog by by inputting your email address on the right hand side of your screen.

final stretch.

oh goodness. with six days left at being at this very expensive hell whole, i can hardly contain my excitement. this week has been an epic of papers. to say that i had english classes now is an understatement, but regardless it is a fleeting one. school will end and break will begin and all will be good until..well until school starts again. but thats a different matter altogether. the point i make with this is not that misery is once again looming, but rather that everything is eventual. christ, i can very much remember the mindset that nothing could possibly exist outside of grade school, and while my interests have not changed very much since then, life has gone on just fine, and i entered into the next never ending phase of life: high school. again, needless to say but high school came and went and now im in college. what im learning is that life is very rarely going to be ideal, but what is coming next is not something that i want to coast through. i have grown so accostumed to wishing away time that to some degree it is all that i really know how to do. but as i said, what comes next can happen for as long as it wishes. as many people who read this blog know, i am getting married this summer. what comes next is life, and the last thing that i want is to realize that i wished it all away.
thanks for reading
paul durante
please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul and follow my blog by entering your email address on the right hand side of the screen.