goodness me gee wilikers. im certainly not tarintino but motherfuck has my last video not done well. in the past my work is usually met with a moderate amount of likes that at the very least double however many dislikes they happened to get. the results are rarely impressive, and certainly never brag worthy, but so far at the very least they have been enough for me to feel decent about. not this one tho. dislikes, and negative twitter comments galore. you know what? before we go any further, how about you take a look for yourself?
that’s it. thanksgiving kush, the latest installment in my not so epic saga of stoner otto, and his reluctant stirfry. the duo are in fact simple side characters in what will be twelve part web series entitled “the dewmont daze,” coming sometime next year, but when it comes to short videos im quick to include them in the mix- mostly because i play the one in the dopey leather jacket. i know that they are no cheech and chong, harold and kumar, jay and silent bob, and they certainly are no biden or motherfucking barack obama, but regardless theyre not entirely horrible are they? well are they? im not here to defend the video folks, im here for some feedback. let me know what you think. is it the worst thing you’ve seen since hannah montana sang naked with beadle juice? the best thing you’ve seen since the birth of your child? somewhere in between?
lets here what you think.
thanks for your input guys-
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to be fair the same could be said of most any era. what? do you really not know what im reffering to? read the fucking title and get back to me. anyway yes. brainwashed. there seems to be this regrettable notion amongst people of my age that we are in some way more enlightened than say the people from our parents generation. today i saw someone tweet “youre just jealous because we’re young and evolved.” listen motherfucker, i can recognize that that tweet was in no way directed towards me, but lets take a step back and reevaluate a few things first shall we? first of all, you cant even contemplate referring to yourself as “evolved,” if you were planning on doing so in the same twenty four hour span of time that you have taken a selfie. it simply isnt possible. that right away eliminates sixty percent of the so called evolved folk that might have taken delight in reading this oh so refined tweet. secondly, we come from an era with six dollar coffee, snapchat, and pants that are essentially black nylon body paint. we arent exactly starting a revolution, and while miley cyrus music may be catchy the fact that she stands amongst our pop icons of the era isnt doing us any favors either. i will not go as far as to say that we are fucked, as such a thing is far too bleak than i care to delve into, and anyway, i do believe it is a tad over stated to begin with. there are brilliant minds walking among us, and yes some of them are bumping a wrecking ball on their iphones they just selfied on, wearing yoga pants, and toting a seven dollar cup of coffee. i’m not writing to condemn my era- god knows theyre the only ones that watch my videos anyway. im writing to humble them. the truth is the vast majority of the world that we know is about one decade away from being substantially older than they would care to be, and while age should not be a point of shame, it some how has become exactly that. most likely because of the noisy young “evolved,” twitter tweeter that doesnt realize that in a few years they are going to be creating children that will end up making the exact same statement to them. what i think often gets lost in the commotion of every day life is that we very much life in a multigenerational society. in a world were people are working into their later years, a much larger segment of the population is not playing a role in the general mechanics of our society. we are living in a massive melting pot after all. unless youre a pokemon, there is no such thing as young and evolved. rather we are all products of multigenerational society that might want to consider getting along. it will be a hell of a long ride if we dont.
thanks for reading,
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im not one for making fun of other peoples shit, mostly because it invites the same sort of treatment into my life, but my goodness, did you see last weekends snl? i know that in making comments now, nearly five days after the fact i am showing up late to a party that really wasnt much of anything to begin with, but what do you want from me? im a college student with four papers to do and a resolution to write on his blog every day. not every topic is going to change the world or be you know…good.
speaking of which, snl this weekend was NOT good. granted, i did not watch the episode in its entirety but what i did saw, made me wish that i hadnt watched any of it at all. first we had nicki minaj playing beyonce. now to be fair, i watched with my fiance, and she found that hilarious. i on the other hand was not so amused, mostly because i thought that the two were the same person. beyonce and nicki minaj i mean, i generally have a pretty firm grasp of who my fiance is and is not. dont mistake this for a fucking race thing. its not. i dont think that the two of them look similar at all. this is a talent thing. both women are good singers that somehow manage to continually put out shitty music. you can call it the miley cyrus effect, or you can call it contemporary pop, but just dont make me listen to it. aside from that we had mr james franco. in this life the man is best at being a fucking weirdo, and in this performance we didnt even get that from him. the only thing worse than his christopher waken impersonation was his james franco impersonation. all in all the entire episode was a dissapointment, and this is coming from someone who watched it while they were supposed to be doing a paper.
thanks for reading
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the title is an understatement. i have four research papers due friday, and four tests in between now and and next tuesday. my life is a blur between what is important (pokemon and my loving fiance) to what is not important (school) and in fits of exhaustion this blur has become something far more sinister A BLEND. “the implications of victor frankensteins quest to conquer death carry over well to a modern context because ash ketchem is eternally ten years old, and rachels favorite color is purple.” im not even writing any more. my brain is throwing up ideas onto the page in the hope that some of it might might come up as undigested corn, or in other words, salvageable. im not looking for that brown muckusy crap kids, i want the gold, but it just isnt happening for me. im burnt out every which way that can be..well burned and that says a lot for a kid that never really gave a shit to begin with. ive always maintained that i am a high school dropout in the body of a junior in college. proceduraly speaking, there arent many corrective options for a person such as myself, although i suppose that technically for a more adventerous sort of folk my situation could easily be rectifying just by you know..not going to class or paying my bills anymore. while the prospect is tempting the fallout is not. as a man (and yes i said man intentionally, though the word came through my fingers and onto my keyboard with a twinge of hesitancy) with a tremendous amount of new and upcoming responsibilities, dropping out is no longer the option that it once was. ive put in far too much time and money into this cluster fuck of tediousness and monotony to let it all go to waste now, and while the experience has not been entirely lost on me, it has for the most part proven time and time again not to be my cup of tea. while internally im fully prepared to switch over to coffee, the results would be disastrous. my fiance is an eduaction major like myself. while i believe that the educational system as a whole is entirely fucked, and that i might be able to in some way make a difference in that regard, i still do not want to go down that path. i am a writer. its the only thing that i am good at, and i am sure that there are plenty of you out there reading this right now that would maintain that i am not even particularly great at this either. regardless, the two of us might struggle on teachers salaries. a low traffic blogger certainly isnt going to be bringing home the rent checks. so for now, yes, i am stuck throwing up ideas onto microsoft word in the hopes that they are passable and properly cited in mla format.
thanks for reading,
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thats certainly how it feels sometimes anyway. the title i mean, not whatever weird little thought you had in your head before you clicked on such an agressive and overly instructional link. i truly dont mean to complain. in the time that i have spent writing online and attempting to establish a youtube channel with a decent amount of traffic, i have at least at times been received rather well. it is not very much my place to wonder why more people dont give me their attention, given that i have to compete with netflix, and near constant kimye updates, but it certainly leaves a mind curious all the same. how does one find success online? im afraid that im not being facetious, i truly havent a clue how its done. did pewdiepie wake up one morning with a million subscribers? did…(insert famous blog here) have a hundred thousand followers fall out of the sky and onto their website on a particularly rainy day? did one of those dopey relationship accounts somehow brainwash 8 million lonely puberty driven teenagers to retweet their shit? all but the last suggestion are highly unlikely, and yet i just cant seem to wrap my head around it. i certainly would not be so bold as to say that i am one of the stronger voices on the internet, but i dont think that i am nothing either, and furthermore, even if i were nothing no one would no because like i said, no one watches the damn things to begin with. in six months my youtube account has taken in ten thousand hits. its not a number to be ashamed of all things considered, although if i am being honest with myself, i would have to acknowledge that six thousand of them were probably my mother, and another thirty five hundred almost definitely came from serial accidental playback brought on by the fact that i have a very difficult time figuring out how to post links to twitter. and as for this blog- while i have enjoyed using it quite thouroughly up until this point, in the near year that i have had it active, it has collected only three thousand hits. and again my mother was probably six thousand of them. you can check the math on that yourself. im far to busy lamenting over my own personal failures thank you very much. as for twitter, while i certainly dont gauge the little nuisance as a a meeter for personal success it has to be at least somewhat a reflection of how people feel about me, and while i have collected six hundred some odd followers, it is only because i ask literally everyone that i meet to follow me. the truth is i am desperate for attention in a market saturated with others just like me who are at the very least rational enough not to name their characters shit like “stirfry”. theres no proposal in this post kids. im not trying to establish some sort of faustian bargain in which i trade my soul for a bushel of bannanas and a few k youtube views. this is at best venting, and at worst case wining. lifes hard, and social media is tedious. thanks for reading
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and heres the link to my latest video if you care to share http://youtu.be/WflKZpyUdA8
its not quite ready yet? what in the motherfucking world do you mean its not quite ready yet? ….oh. im sorry i got a little bit ahead of myself. that tends to happen when i am slowly working my way up to a rage stroke. you see my phd-diseased pretentious wad of tissue poor excuse for a human being professor accidently told me that he hasnt read my proposal. no not for marriage- two weeks ago we had to turn in our proposals for our end of the semester research papers, and as the semester ends in one week, i just wanted to double check. everything was alright with my proposal yes? oh, i havent quite gotten to it yet. thats the answer this snot wad gave me. i genuinely wanted to projectile vomit, not because the statement made me sick to my stomach but because if ever there was a time that someone deserved to be vomited on, it was right then and there. in my four lit classes this semester i have been assigned three novels a week every week for the past SIXTEEN MOTHERFUCKING WEEKS. of those novels a substantial amount of them had come from him, and while i cannot blame him for assaigning homework, i can blame him for not grading it. this is the problem with college professors folks. i maintain that the majority of them rarely care much aboutt he craft of teaching. yes they may enjoy intellectual conversations about great works of literature with young people, and they certainly enjoy assessing peoples understanding of THEIR assesments of said literature, but when it comes down to it. when we break the issue up into its purest form, what we get is sheer idiocy– a system in which we find grown men and women reenacting their own academic glory days of college in the hopes that they might never have to abandon the experience of being a student. in this particular instance this lack of responisbility and respect is affecting me greatly, and yes, frankly it does make me want to vomit.
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this paper might kill me. has such a thing ever happened? i dont mean like with a gun or a knife or something, but has anyone ever started writing a paper and then just stopped living? not because of a heart attack or an anueirsm or something like that, i mean the paper itself killed them. we could call it ink poisoning, but the son of a bitch has never seen paper. it exists only on my laptop, and is a product of many hours of tedious reading, and of profound hatred. i loath this essay in a way few people can claim to hate anything. this paper is the bane to my batman, the ferris to my jeanie, the angelina jolie to my jennifer anniston. this mofo i do believe exists solely to ensure that my final days of this semester are miserable one. my professor is difficult my source materials are dense, and my drive is lacking. the quality of this paper is vading vast, and with it, my prospects of success are plummetting. fuck this paper
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listen, im too tired for this shit. ok, im sorry i said shit. i like this shit. in fact this blog is one of my favorite proverbial creative bowl movements that i spew out onto the internet on a daily basis. that being said…im too tired for this shit. like i think ive mentioned on here a few times here or there, there is only two weeks left of the semester, meaning i have fourteen weeks of work to catch up on, so rather than waxing philisophically on the tediousness of school, or trying to cure racism with a blog that gets roughly twenty hits a day, i am going to rant about the movie tangled. yes, thats right, the disney movie tangled.
ok listen. i know its silly, but i watched the little fucker yesterday, and its quite the moral conundrum. for those of you who dont know, tangled is disneys iteration of the rapunzel story. you know, let down your long hair? in this depiction, rapunzel has been kidnapped as an infant and kept in a tower by musically gifted witch that sustains her own youth through the magic of rapunzels hair. rapunzel is then taken to a tower where she is raised by the witch, and this is exactly where my issue with the story comes into play. while the notion of a child being adopted by a which is undeniably an awful one, this girl was raised by said witch. and yet come the end of the movie whent he villain is inevitiably killed (because thats how disney motherfucking rolls) we are supposed to view it as a joyus occasion. keep in midn that repunszel for most of the movie sees this witch woman as her mother. sure, they lady is somewhat of a walking talking sphincter, but regardless, the girl is still nurished isnt she? shes clean and happy yes? in fact her diggs were far better than that of harry potter. no staircase for this girl. her and her magic hair were hooked up in only the finest of towers. in fact, even as she is first presented with a chance to leave as the male love interest (again a disney obligation) comes crashing into her window, instead of seeing it as a chance to leave she knocks the man uncocionse. oh sure, you could call it stockholme syndrome, or you could call it a girl that doesnt want to aquaint herself with a harsh job climate. and yet when her syragote mother finally bites the dust, shes fine. she runs right into the arms of her boy toy who is dying on the floor, and she mourns for him instead of the woman who has sustained her life for years. and then he dies. THE MOTHERFUCKER DIES! he goes to fucking heaven because he is MOTHERFUCKING DEAD. or maybe he doesnt. maybe he goes to hell. he died and he went to the gates (pearly or otherwise) and peter said, this mofo is a pagan, send him to hell. so they did. and then, just as his soul is plummeting, rapunzel weeps into his wounds, and he comes back to life just like that. now keep in mind that they dont strictly say this in the movie, but what happens next is obvious. he comes into the world, and he warns them. JESUS IS REAL MOTHERFUCKERS, AND HE LIVES IN RAPUNZELS TEARS!!! thats right, as us christians know, jesus is the only dude out there to succesfully conquer death. until this dude rolled around. therefore disney is in actuallity trying to tell us a story about christ like tear ducks. oh, and they are also discounting the value of adoption. shame on you disney. shame.
thanks for watching.
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please allow me to step away from political commentary for a moment to plug my new video. its the latest thinking in mediocrity. ebola ebola ebola, obama, is the third installment in what has become my vlog, the wednesday show. like the other videos before it, this episode is sure to be the latest and greatest thing in mediocrity. in all seriousness folks, i am indeed the worlds worst blogger. its certainly something to be seen. heres the link http://youtu.be/ZJbGNWIDCqk
for those of you following along regularly on my blog know, i have set up some end of the year goals for my self. two hundred blog followers (i need 46 more) 200 youtube subscribers (i need ten more) and 1000 twitter followers (i need 380 more. so if any of you would like to help me reach those goals, please like, share, tell your friends, follow me on twitter or whatever else you find it in your heart to do. just think of this as your end of the year charity. some people donate to the poor, you follow a mediocre blog that thinks it is clever for using undercase letters. some people hand out food on the holidays, you like a youtube video that is shittier than our current political climate….actually maybe you should help those other people out. it sounds like they need it more….
thanks for reading
please follow me on twitter @DewmontPaul
I’m going to make this post a short one because, well it pertains to an issue without any hope of immediate resolution. Last night I discovered the in depth account of Eric Garners death and I went to bed completely and utterly heartbroken. Eric Garner for those of you who do not know was an innocent man suspected of selling cigarettes who was strangled to death in broad day light on a New York sidewalk-by a policeman. The event itself is devastating, both to Garners family and to the general population who lives in a country in which police can kill citizens, and get away with it. Because that is what has turned this instance of unwarranted and extreme violence from a tragedy into a national catastrophe. Despite witness reports, video proof, public outrage, and the general knowledge that the method within which Officer Pantaleo (Garners murderer) tried to “subdue” Garner was long ago banned by the police force, the grand jury has decided not to indict the officer responsible.
Needless to say, while I went to bed sad, and still am to a great degree, I woke up angry. Given the situation I believe it is a just anger, but now as the day goes on a find myself in danger of having a rage aneurysm. And there is a very specific reason for this. Rep. Peter King seems to have a very unique theory on the death of Eric Garner. “He was so obese….the truth is if you can’t breath you can’t talk,” King said in reference to Garners final words. Please note that the dot dot dot represents a segment of his quote I chose to omit. Essentially he just mentioned that police had no reason to suspect that Garner couldnt breath when he told them that, well he couldnt breath. Needless to say this is a tremendous act of bullshit that should not and cannot be tolerated. This man, this Peter King holds an office. He is a public figure, a community leader to some degree and in the face of the death of a citizen by means of police brutality, he claims no authoritarian fault on the grounds that the victim was over weight. Now dont get me wrong, I am not trying to take away this mans right to freedom of speech. After all, I am writing this post under the heading “Fuck Peter King,” -an excursion of my own right to speech freedom if ever there was one. King can say or think whatever he wants, but next time he does it it better be in his motherfucking retirement speech. Our country is in poor enough shape as it is without rich old white fools coming on the tv and victim blaming. Am I right? I want to hear what you think. If you agree with me, comment like, reblog, repost retweet remotherfuckingguritate this article every where you can. Let Peter King know that we think what he is saying is bullshit. As a general population we cannot and should not seek our own individualized justices on the behalf of Eric Garner. The rightful way for his death to be dealt with is through the court systems, and though that is not happening right now, there is regretfully little that we can do as a public to negate that. However, we can tell this publicly appointed official to go fuck himself. If you agree, help me get this article out there, or write one yourself. Do anything that you can do to peacefully and intellectually let the world know that injustice cannot and should not be tolerated.
Thanks for reading,
Please follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul