to be fair the same could be said of most any era. what? do you really not know what im reffering to? read the fucking title and get back to me. anyway yes. brainwashed. there seems to be this regrettable notion amongst people of my age that we are in some way more enlightened than say the people from our parents generation. today i saw someone tweet “youre just jealous because we’re young and evolved.” listen motherfucker, i can recognize that that tweet was in no way directed towards me, but lets take a step back and reevaluate a few things first shall we? first of all, you cant even contemplate referring to yourself as “evolved,” if you were planning on doing so in the same twenty four hour span of time that you have taken a selfie. it simply isnt possible. that right away eliminates sixty percent of the so called evolved folk that might have taken delight in reading this oh so refined tweet. secondly, we come from an era with six dollar coffee, snapchat, and pants that are essentially black nylon body paint. we arent exactly starting a revolution, and while miley cyrus music may be catchy the fact that she stands amongst our pop icons of the era isnt doing us any favors either. i will not go as far as to say that we are fucked, as such a thing is far too bleak than i care to delve into, and anyway, i do believe it is a tad over stated to begin with. there are brilliant minds walking among us, and yes some of them are bumping a wrecking ball on their iphones they just selfied on, wearing yoga pants, and toting a seven dollar cup of coffee. i’m not writing to condemn my era- god knows theyre the only ones that watch my videos anyway. im writing to humble them. the truth is the vast majority of the world that we know is about one decade away from being substantially older than they would care to be, and while age should not be a point of shame, it some how has become exactly that. most likely because of the noisy young “evolved,” twitter tweeter that doesnt realize that in a few years they are going to be creating children that will end up making the exact same statement to them. what i think often gets lost in the commotion of every day life is that we very much life in a multigenerational society. in a world were people are working into their later years, a much larger segment of the population is not playing a role in the general mechanics of our society. we are living in a massive melting pot after all. unless youre a pokemon, there is no such thing as young and evolved. rather we are all products of multigenerational society that might want to consider getting along. it will be a hell of a long ride if we dont.
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before you take the title to seriously, there really is no reason that you must read this. it won’t cure cancer, it wont clean your room, it wont help you prepare for your next test. in fact, it wont even tell you anything that you don’t already know about the new pokemon games. mostly because i know nothing outside of what the trailers have told me; which is certainly enough to keep the twenty one year old me happy until he can scrape together enough money to own a copy of his own. that’s the thing about life now, its entertained by roughly the same interests i had had when i was six, with only the exception that i am now left to fund said interests myself. again, its worth it. there is something to be said about a game franchise that is just as magical to me now as it was when i was six. i’ve spent a substantial amount of my life playing/watching pokemon, and truth be told it has all been time well spent. pokemon is not just a childrens franchise. the message is multi-generational; friendship, integrity, adventure, who could possibly find fault with it? oh sure there are people out there that focus on their jobs, or their educations, or helping other, or actually curing cancer unlike this fucking blog post, but then there are the rest of us. pokemon masters. we blast team rocket off again and again, we collect badges all across the world, all the while never aging, and we make our pokemon who don’t like one another mate for our own gains. thats the life of a pokemon master. so before you say to yourself, “i’m too old for this pokemon crap, i’m going to study,” stop right there. no. youre too old to be studying. listen. are you listening? good. you’re too old to be studying. you already know that crap anyway, and if you dont…eh. it’s probably because you thought that it was too boring to remember the first time anyway. but you remember pokemon don’t you? of course you do, so go out and get it. buy one. buy two. buy three!. buy four, but only keep one. i’ll take the rest because i understand the titular truth of this life;pokemon is better than real life. so if you enjoyed your first trip into the water logged hoenn region ten years ago, you will absolutely love this game. if youre like me, you teared up a little bit when you first turned on x/y last year….i hope that you arent like me. the world doesnt need more nintendo criers. we really do need more cancer doctors though….anyway. hoenn. buy it kids.
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The thing about childhood is that it only ends if you want it to. Yes the title says “Pokémon,” but that’s just my thing. It can be anything. Truthfully, I’m not sure that we ever change all that much, rather the world changes us. I remember the first time that my friends told me that they didn’t like Pokémon anymore. I’m pretty sure that I cried. From that day foreward, I too did not like Pokémon, at least as far as they knew. I was in fifth grade at the time, and it took me almost seven years to get past that. Now my college dorm is decked out in pokemon shit. I even have ash kethem sheets. It feels good to not have to let go of something that had always been so important to me. So the purpose of this very brief post is to say that there is no shame in liking whatever it is that you may like: only in not being true to yourself.
I don’t know that there is anything better in life than the sentimentality that old Pokémon games (not counting true love). When I heard about the Pokémon Ruby and Saphire remakes my heart fluttered. When I entered Hoenn ten years ago, I’m not sure that I ever left. Now November can’t come fast enough. In six months I will be able to drink legally, and the Pokémon remakes will be released. You can guess which one I am more excited for. These new graphics from X and Y are astounding. I cannot wait to see them applied to the games that captured my attention in a big bad way when I was ten. I can only hope that they stay true to the originals. I can’t fathom why they ever left the forts behid, they were perhaps my favorite aspect of those old games. The region itself is beautiful, and unlike some people, I love even the most water logged aspects of it. There will be now news in this post, only love for a game that is surely going to send me back in time. Let us know what you think of the new remakes!
By now, I would assume that you know what a Pokeball is. If not, get out of here, I don’t even understand what you thought you were doing. For the rest of you, Hi, how are you doing? Good, that’s what I thought. Todays post is about Pokemon, and most specifically, when do they poop? Say someone has five outstanding Pokemon, and one Rattatta. The five other Pokemon battle all the time, and while they are out, they probably shit. Not that rattatta. No, Rattatta has never pooped, and now he is dead. Thank you for reading everybody.
Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,
The world of Pokémon is more encompassing than that of the Bible. There has been shows, cards, games, books, manga, and fan fiction relating back to Pokémon, ever since its release in the 90’s. I myself have been a fan of this phenomon for fifteen years, and have witnessed every facet of this magic as it occurred. Some of my most powerful memories have happened with my nose in a game boy. I have defeated team rocket, challenged the Pokémon league, and tamed the great Mewtwo with a greatball (I used my Master Ball on a particularly difficult to catch pidgey). I have played from generous one all the way to generation six, and I have watched Ash stay the exact same age as I grew older and older.
When I was little, I used to pray and pray Pokémon to be real. Instead I had to deal with math. The world that we live in is a harsher one than that of the Pokémon. I have been to Kanto, Johto, and Hoenn, all without having to recharge my Gameboy. I have ridden through the ocean on a sea serpant (disguised as a lapras) and flown through a nation on the back of the bird the size of a pigeon. To me, the world of Pokémon is just as real as anything else out there, and infinitely better than most anything else.
Today is pretty beyond belief. The sun is out, but not too hot, and the trees are looking about as nice as they are going to, and yet here I sit in my room, typing away on a mediocre blog, about ready to play Pokémon. I suppose what I am saying is, Pokémon, I chose you!
There is something about playing Pokémon that makes me forget about the looming threat of adulthood, and the even more pressing issue of end of the semester exams. Pokémon is timeless, and when I play it, so am I.
I like the show, I really do, but it is nothing compared to the thrill of stepping into the world, and living in it. I here a lot of jokes about how Ash never ages, but thank God that it is the case. In truth it makes perfect since that the young Pokémon Master to be never ages on his journey, because I never age in mine either. I remember each game like I had just played it, and have developed bonds with cyber animals that are closer than some I have established with humans. Pokémon preaches about the value of friendship, integrity, and loyalty. The theme song alone contains more valuable lessons than most anything else that you are likely to encounter, and upon stepping into the land of Pokémon, you know immediately that you are in a better place.
I am a Pokémon Master, and that will never change.
The Politics of Pokemon
An Ottotastic Musing
I’m on a roll today. Fresh off a bathroom break, I’m ready to knock another article out of the park. If you haven’t already read my previous post of the day “I have to pee” please do so immediately. Otherwise, welcome back.
Today we will be talking about the politics of Pokémon. No, not the show featuring the immortal little boy changing the world with a pocket full of balls, today we will be examining the video game about the immortal little boy (or girl you sexist slime) that saves the world with a pocket full of balls. Like all the reporters here at the Daily Dewmont News, I am quite the fan of the Pokémon series. I love the movies, I love the cards, I love the show, and I love the video games. However, what I do not love is the clear impact that inflation has had on their community.
Twelve hundred dollars
for an ultra ball? Fuck that shit, I’ll catch those critters with my hands. A million dollars for a bike? I would rather walk. A level based rate for the day care people to make your Pokémon…intimate?….I don’t really have a comment for that one, but it’s fucked up. So how do we change this? Support local business’s! No more Poke marts, no more Pokémon Centers! They are driving small mom and pop shops out of the world of Pokémon that we all know and cherish. The Pokémon economy is going to hell, and you are all out there paying for it’s one way ticket.
Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,
Thanks for Reading! Please follow me on Twitter @DewmontPaul for more random stuff about Pokemon, and follow this blog by typing in your email on the right hand side of your screen. THANKS!
By Drake Mahoney
The name of the game for today is tolerance. If you havent caught my earlier post, “Ask An Atheist,” I would reccomened it because….well because I like it when people read my shit. So read my shit. But even if you don’t go back and read, I at least can appreciate that you are here now. But that isn’t what we are here to talk about now is it?
Tolerance seems to be something that everyone struggles with, even more so than i think we realize. When I say tolerance, I am not using it in the sense of religion, or race, or sexual orientation, although those things are of tremendous importance. No, I’m talking about tolerating other people. Those other things are just categories, but of the seven billion people on this planet, I would venture to guess that not a single one of them fit perfectly into any one of those groups. To truly end hate, we need to stop seeing those groups, and starting seeing people. It’s an issue I probably cannot tackle on a two hundred word blog post, so I don’t think that I will try.
I like Pokemon. I fucking love Pokemon. I have loved it since I was five, and chances are I will probably still love it twenty years from now because that’s just who I am. I have Pokemon Sheets, and a doll of Pikachu directly next to the keyboard that I am typing this on. I also love weed, and all that other typical college student bullshit that everyone else seems to love going on about. So what does it matter if I like Pokemon? It shouldnt should it? I certainly don’t think so, and yet it clearly does because the obsession is met almost constantly with disdain from those who just discovered it about me. It’s a little disheartening to know that as a twenty year old “adult,” I still have to be uncomfortable with certain aspects of my life. The thing is though, I’m not uncomfortable. Ash Ketchup is bad ass, and his video game counter part Red is even cooler. So no, I won’t be ashamed of who I am, and neither should you be! The truth is it makes no difference if you love comic books or football, unless you act like it does.
FROM POKEMON MASTERS TO CORPATE AMERICA AND BACK
BY DRAKE MAHONEY
Remember the days where Pokémon was all that mattered? Those creatures that captured the imaginations of just about every child born in the nineties? Those were the days weren’t they? The days where no one was pregnant, and weed was a thing that you picked at your grandmother’s house on the weekend when you weren’t watching the show that inspired seizures in thousands of children all around the world. You can bet that that didn’t stop them from tuning in the next week though.
I think that for the sake of mankind, we need to go back to the days of Pokémon raising, back to the times where our biggest goals were as simple as collecting badges, and raising Charizard to level 100. The very theme song of Pokémon illustrates better values than I see demonstrated by most adults these days. And yet I see some of those people that I grew up with, the Pokémon generation, growing up into those exact same asshole adults. “Teach Pokémon the power that’s inside”… Why can’t we focus on that? Ok maybe not teaching actual Pokémon the power inside, but what about each other? Why do we not focus only on building one another up? Why is sex and money is what drives us, when it could be camaraderie, friendship, and basic human decency? Ash cares more about his Pokémon than I see most people care about other humans around them in the real world.
So I guess what I’m saying is, fuck politics, fuck greed, selfishness, and arrogance, let’s bring things back to the nineties. Plop Pokémon Red back into the old Gameboy color, and remember who you used to be. Life is incredibly difficult, almost unbearably so sometimes, and with that in mind, why would you ever make it harder on yourself, or anyone else around you? The greed and selfishness of the “real world” is exactly what makes life so damn hard, so let’s take things back to the days of trading Pokémon cards with your friends after school, or linking up Gameboys with that little cord at sleep overs so that you could battle. Those were simpler times, those were kinder times, and those were better times. Go catch them all.