By Drake Mahoney
Listen, most of you don’t want to hear this, but shut up and listen. There is no friend zone. There’s simply no such thing. Friend zone is the thing that guys say when they want to place the blame of their single relationship status on someone else, who in truth doesn’t want to date them. “But she only dates dicks, and then complains to me about it,” you might say to yourself. Glad you mentioned it: it doesn’t matter. You have not been friend zoned, you have been: I only like this person as a friend zoned. It’s not as catchy but it’s a whole hell of a lot less damaging.
Why am I mentioning it? I don’t hate down on their luck bachelors, and I am certainly not here to make them feel worse about what they see as their struggles, but I am here to give this culture of misogyny a scolding. I understand that it hurts when someone doesn’t feel the same way as you do, but that does not mean that that they have made some sort of mistake, or that they have somehow missed the “overwhelmingly obvious fact” that the two of you are meant to be together. The truth of the matter is that women in our culture have enough going against them as it is, and they need to be allowed to date the way that they want, even if they want to date assholes.
Women get scolded for engaging in this “friend zone” thing. People get mad at them, and judge them for not going for the so called nice guy. And don’t get me wrong, I’m sure that he (or you depending on the perspective of the reader) is absolutely lovely, but this simply can’t continue. Women are judged on every little thing, including their appearance, diet, and fashion choice. They can’t be judged on who they date too.
Long Distance Love
A humanist perspective
By Kathy McDermott
Love is selfless. Love is painful. Love is brilliant. Love is as intricately complicated as it is painfully simple. Love defies race, gender, age, distance, and sometimes even logic. Love is the very thing that makes us human. It does not matter if it is between, a man and a woman, a man and a man, or between Kanye West and Kim Kardashian. Love cannot be helped. With that in mind, let’s enter into this week’s topic, long distance relationships.
If you are in college, the chances are pretty good that you at the very least know someone who is in a long distance relationship. You might even be in one yourself. They are littered all over college campuses, and for every person in one, there is two more people wondering what the hell they are doing.
It is true that for a person who has never been in love, the concept of a long distance relationship can seem quite odd. It is a tremendous commitment that is rooted in love, trust, and respect. Those things are hard to come by in a country where 43% of marriages have suffered from infidelity, and over 50% end in divorce. So yes, it’s true, the odds are not good. But as Han Solo would say, never tell me the odds.
When you find that special person that makes you happier than you ever felt possible, you are bound to them. You can’t help it, and you cannot change the way that you feel. Love is not a decision, but a feeling. It’s almost instinctual. What people who are not in long distance relationships do not understand is that they are not a choice. To a degree, yes, you chose to stay with the person when they left, or when you left, or when whatever happened happened, but the choice itself can be likened to choosing life over death.
So I write these words as an assurance to those suffering. Your circumstances are as painful as they are uncertain, but they are a pain that I myself have known and overcome. If things are the same for you as they were for me, than the high light of your day is hearing your significant others voice on the phone, or receiving a particularly loving goodnight text. Now imagine your life without those things. It’s horrible isn’t it?
I could talk all day about the horrors of the long distance relationship, but you will never hear me say that it wasn’t worth it. Stay with it. If you have to wait for years before you can be together the way that you want to be together, wait four years. If you have to wait longer, wait longer. You will never regret staying with and supporting the person that means the most to you, but I can’t even imagine how it would feel to let the person that literally completes your soul slip away. Nurture love, and never let it go.