Blog Archives

You are beautiful. Remember it


Hey guys, Life is good eh? If you are like me you are a few weeks into summer, and hopefully loving it.  I’m in sort of a strange place in life right now, a sort of elongated strange place in life.  So elongated in fact that it makes me wonder what stages of life aren’t strange.  The only difference between now and every other brooding second of my life is that I’m sort of ok with all of that.  Sometimes I am prone to sadness, but the most liberating thing that I have ever done is accept that sadness will come, and embrace both the moments where it does, and the ones that it doesn’t.  Life is all about finding what makes you happy, and if your in the right place ot do so, engaging in things that will make other people happy also. 

For me, that has meant directing.  That’s right, I am currently pretending that I know how to direct! I am currently writing directing and acting in my own web series.  So far it has brought me a tremendous amount of happiness, and my hope is that in the near future it will bring other people some happiness as well.  I have posted only one teaser/ trailer video as of right now, but starting next week there is a great deal more to come.

Here is a link to that video

For me, directing, and writing, and blogging have been a great joy.  I am hoping that you all find something to bring joy to yourselves as well.  If you find yourself with  a little bit of time and would like to support me, please check out my video, and subscribe if you can.

You are not invisible

Unfortunately, I think that some of you reading this feel invisible right now.  Maybe you think that no one notices you, and the ones that do don’t care.  It’s a tragedy that things like that happen.  There are seven billion people on this planet, and every single one of them matter (even the republicans).  Sometimes it is hard to feel like you matter.  Believe me, I understand, but the truth is that there isn’t a single person in the world that matters more than you.  Don’t let your head get to big, they don’t matter any less either.  The point is that you are all born the same way, and we all leave the same way as well.  You are not invisiblie, you are beautiful, and completely perfect the way you are.  It’s time for you to start believing that.

Say what you think, live how you feel

It is indeed the weekend, and as such, a perfect time to read this blog.  This weekend, I invite you to be yourself.  Do what you want to do.  Life is hard, but with each passing second you are given a chance at something new, it’s up to you to take it.  Walking around a college campus, I spot a lot of people who aren’t being themselves.  You don’t have to conform to a group to be apart of it.  Be yourself and add to the equation that makes up the party, don’t just exist beside it.  Life is to short not to say what you think and live how you feel.

No More “Slut” Bashing

Dear Stirfry,

                My ex girl friend is a slut.  Since we broke up two weeks ago, she has been with three different guys, and I heard a rumor that when we were still dating she made out with my best friend.  Now it is time for me to get her back.  I’m thinking of sleeping with her sister, what do you think?


Hot and Bothered

                Dear Misguided,

                What I think is that you sent this to the wrong advice columnist.  But since you are here, let’s take a look at the problem shall we? The problem is not that your girlfriend has “been with” three guys since you broke up, the problem is not even that she kissed your friend (although that is admittedly regrettable) the problem is that you are treating relationships like a game of chess, and victimizing your ex with cruel double standards.  To begin with, she is not a “slut”.  Her body is no one but hers, and she may use it however she chooses without becoming a “slut”.  Would you not have already been with three girls by this point if anyone had dared kiss your misogynistic lips? There is a cruel double standard in our country that you have made someone that you claim to have at least at one point cared about, a victim of.  Men can pursue as sex as much as they please without judgment while women cannot.  But let’s move past that.  Under no circumstance is it right for you to sleep with her sister.  Hurting someone else to get back at someone who no longer wants anything to do with you is cruel and absurd.  What you need to do is move on, Bothered.  Well that’s it, that’s my schpeal.  Don’t you wish you had written to Otto?

Sincerely Yours,


Blood soaked Coughs and Bubonic Plagues

College, The Bitter Irony

By Drake Mahoney

                Remember grade school? Remember those mornings where you didn’t want to go to school, so you just didn’t? I don’t know about you, but when I was younger I self diagnosed myself with a whole slew of illnesses that I never had in an attempt to get out of going to class.  And a great deal of the time it worked, not because my mother actually believed that I had leprosy, but because she didn’t have the energy to argue with me that I didn’t.  To make things worse, if that is you consider skipping school to be a bad thing (pussy), I went to a private school.  I know, I’m a bitch.  I’ll even say it again….I’m  a bitch.  But as you probably know, private school costs a good deal more than a regular education (with none of the benefits) and because of that, my parents were literally paying for me not to have the bubonic plague.  Every lie I told, every  blood saturated cough that I faked, every class that I skipped cost my parents money, and until this morning I thought nothing of it.  I hated school more than I could put words to.  But you know what’s crazy? What’s really un fucking believable? I pay for it now.  I pay thousands of dollars a year- dollars that I don’t have, to go to school, and I’m supposed to feel grateful that I am able to do it. It’s funny the things people say to make us feel better about it.  Education is important.  Education is important? I’ll keep that in mind when my future employer gets upset that I took to dissecting a bullfrog in the work place.  Isn’t it crazy the things that they teach us? Biology, math, foreign language.  Most motherfuckers I know say ‘merica, on regular bases.  They don’t even know the name of our own country, which by the way is not America either.  We are in fact the United States of America, a country that resides on the continent of America.  Once they master the name of our country, perhaps they can branch out to a foreign language, but why would they possibly want to? To keep up with other countries? Fuck that shit.  People always talk about how much of an emphasis Asian schools emphasize education, but never in that same breath do they mention how much taller we are than them.  And yet I doubt very much that children in China start their days out with spinal elongation stretches in order to “keep up” with us.  Let them be them and let me be me.  You can only ever be yourself, and one thing that I do know about myself is that I will never be a student.  I will never be someone with a desire to learn, the ability to properly study, or the self-deceptiveness to not be terminally depressed that I have to do those things anyway.  Life is incredibly hard, made infinitesimally more so by fractions.  And guess what? You’re paying for those fractions, and you’re lucky to have the opportunity to do so.

Same Shit, Different Asshole

Do you ever find yourself talking about someone else? Don’t worry about it, I do it.  In fact, it seems that for every single person out there, each one of them has something to say, and chances are it is shitty.  I don’t know why people do it, but what I do know, is that it isn’t doing the world any favors. 

I’ve done a fair amount of trash talking in my days, and chances are I’ll do quite a bit more sometime down the road.  I’ve felt bad about it, felt good about it, and indifferent about it, and to be honest, I’m not sure which one is worse.  Everyone does it, and it’s all the same.  The actual words don’t matter, it’s the intention that is what counts.  I’ve read that people only ever comment on the things that they don’t like in themselves when they are talking shit about someone else.  I’m no psychologist, but the shit sounds sound enough to me.  So how do we make it stop? How do we cut the shit? How do we stop talking shit as a culture, and as a result, stop having shit talked about us? The answer is simple, shut up and smile.  Life is so much better when you are nice.

It’s your life, Live it

There is a very frequent thought that rattles around my head, one I just cant seem to shake, and that thought is death.  If I were to die tomorrow, would I be happy with the way that I lived today? The answer to that is almost always an overwhelming no, but with that no comes a new found responsibility: to make improvements.  In all honesty, with each new breath that you take, you bring on that responsibility, because with each new second your past evaporates before your very eyes, and with it comes opportunity.  I am no motivational speaker, but I do know this, when opportunity knocks, let it in.  If you are the victim of a bad habit, one that you just can’t seem to shake, than change it! Change it because the second you do it, it is done, and you never have to return to it.  Do you understand what I am saying? You could mess up six times today, but just remember that with each time what you have really done was taken on a new opportunity to do better. 

But this failure, this displeasure with the with the goings on in your lives doesn’t necessarily have to be rooted in action.  It can just as easily be caused by inaction.  Have you met your potential today? Have you done all that you can do? I know that I haven’t.  In fact, I have spent the majority of my day on this very site (which I enjoyed very much my dear modirators). I know it seems corny, I know that it seems over stated even, but there is no reason not to seize the day.  There is no reason not to be exactly who you want to be, because at the end of the day, you’re the one that needs to live with your choices.  Now don’t get me wrong, If you are a mother or a father, or a husband or a wife, you need to act like one. You need to know that your own personal pleasures do not outweigh the needs of your family.  But you also need to know that you are your own person, with your own wants, and your own desires, and you have every right to pursue them, but in order to do that you need to make a decision.  You need to seize every moment that you can, and make them your own, because no one is going to do it for you.

Ask Stirfry

Dear Stirfry,

                When it was strictly Otto that was writing this column, I did not feel like I could submit a question of a personal nature here, but with that not being the case anymore, hopefully you might be able to help me.  I am an eighteen year old girl, who for the majority of my life has been on the quiet side.  I keep to myself, and I haven’t had any problem with things staying that way.  Since I got to college though, I have gotten a new group of friends.  I like them a lot, but they are different than me.  They dress differently, and they act differently, and I am not sure what I should do.  They seem to think that it is odd that I don’t wear yoga pants or short shorts everyday, but I like the way that I dress, and I don’t want to change it.  I have always dressed more on the conservative side, and I am happy with that, I just want them to be happy with it as well.  What should I do?



                Dear Confused,

                Thank you for writing in! I am happy to have you as my first “client” if you will, but I am sorry to see that you are struggling.  That being said, I think that the answer to your question is a simple one.  If you do not like to dress that way, you should not dress that way.  Its simple.  I am not condemning people who wear short shorts or yoga pants, but if that’s not the person that you want to be than you need to stick with it.  Dressing or behaving in a way that is not true to yourself will attract people who are interested in the qualities that you are pretending to have.  And once those relationships become deeply rooted into your life, it will mke it very difficult for you to ever be the way that you want to be.  It is better to be yourself, and build relationships around that.  I think that that is the way that you will find the most happiness. I hope that that helps.

Sincerely yours,


Bullying is Bullshit

Bullying is Bullshit

By Barnibus Fowley

                As far as journalism goes, this is a little bit outside my expertise.  I’m the news guy, Drake is the opinion guy.  What can I say, sometimes you have to break the mold.  Regardless of my expertise on the format, the title holds true: bullying is bullshit.

                Believe it or not, mediocre news related blog posts are not my entire life. Currently I am an English major with an emphasis on secondary education.  Put it all together, and I will be teaching English, secondarily.  I always wanted to be a writer, and I figured while I’m doing that I can teach the craft.  Those who can’t do teach type of deal I suppose.  Part of the education program requires that I visit high schools and watch English teachers teach….English.  I did that today, and while the intention was to learn about the skills of educating teenagers, I left with only one thing: bullying is bullshit.

                No, I didn’t see any students getting picked on, what I witnessed was of a much more suprising nature, teachers being bullied.  Never in my life have I seen such utter disrespect for another human.  I observed a middle aged woman who if I had to guess, was a homosexual.  Apparently the other people in the room had gathered that as well, because they used it as a source of relentless torment. I can’t even fathom the rationale or logic behind it. 

Bullying is wrong in every form.  The fact of the matter is, it does not matter if one person is gay, or another is heavy, or skinny, or likes star wars, what matters is that they are happy.  I firmly believe that all people are inherently good.  Becoming a bully is a rejection of that goodness. Unfortunately, you can’t change the world around you, only the way you perceive it.  Here’s what I propose: perpetual love.  Chances are, at least sometime in your life, someone will treat you in a way that you don’t care for.  When that happens, I want you to keep your head up high, and know that they are only saying things that they hate within themselves.  Pity that person, because when the laughs and jeers are over and done with, all that is left with them, and that is their own worst nightmere. Do that, and you win.  Do that, and you will have exhibited a quality that your tormentors never have: happiness with ones self.  You have one life, do what makes you happy, regardless of what other people have to say about it, and remember: Bullying is Bullshit.