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Professor claims to Be Wearwolf


By Barnibus Fowley

                Though the moon is not full, Professor Thomson claims that a transformation is imminent.  “It’s all so very clear to me.  I am a werewolf.  If I’m being honest with myself, I always knew that to be the case, I have very strange pubic hair.  It’s almost animalistic in nature.” Professor Thomson claims that this statement is made, not in an effort to draw attention to himself, but is in fact to keep students safe. He has taught at Dewmont for seven years, and has yet to have a fatality in one of his classrooms. To say the least he knows a thing or two about safety. He had this to say about his imminent change: “I know people usually say full moons because they are bigger or whatever, but the sun is really big to so it’s just like, I don’t know, you know? I definitely feel as though I am going to transform on campus.  It’s inevitable.  It’s almost usually sunny here, and I’m not going to just not come here you know? My wife is at home, and she’s a b***”.  Thomson made this declaration early today After President Meridue announced immense pay cuts for the teacher’s salary.  “Yeah I wasn’t a fan of the pay cuts.  But it has nothing to do with this.  I was born a werewolf.  Now I’m a werewolf who can’t afford to go to as many midget boxing matches.  That’s the only difference.”