Blog Archives

Follow Your Bliss

Dear Otto,

                To be blunt, I have no idea what I want to do with my life.  My friends and family tell me to go to college, but my heart tells me to pursue acting.  What do you think?

Sincerely

Scared and Frustrated

                Dear Scared,

                Yeedin yip yip and shit! You’ve come to the right place! I know a great deal about disappointing my friends and family.  Your friends and family aren’t the ones who have to sit miserably in a classroom all day, you are.  So do what makes you happy.  Sometimes life works itself out.  I forgot to register for classes this semester and I have never been happier.

Sincerely yours,

Otto

It’s not stealing if it’s easy

Dear Everyone,

Do you have what tit takes to steal? Ask yourself, “Will Walmart really miss this chapstic? Will Ruby Tuesdays really miss this cool spoon? Will my neighbor really miss his puppy?” The evils of theft are subjective.  If a place has so much that they are easy to steal from, chances are it probably isn’t wrong.  Have you ever tried to rob a church? They just leave their shit laying out there.  They are asking to be robbed.  They are saying “Hey Otto, eat some of our oreos, spill some of our milk and refuse to cry,use our toilet paper and then put it back” (clean up on aisle three). Thank you for reading everyone!

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love,

Otto

Pokemon Poop Too

Dear Everyone,

By now, I would assume that you know what a Pokeball is.  If not, get out of here, I don’t even understand what you thought you were doing.  For the rest of you, Hi, how are you doing? Good, that’s what I thought.  Todays post is about Pokemon, and most specifically, when do they poop? Say someone has five outstanding Pokemon, and one Rattatta.  The five other Pokemon battle all the time, and while they are out, they probably shit.  Not that rattatta.  No, Rattatta has never pooped, and now he is dead.  Thank you for reading everybody.

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love,

Otto

Coffee Pee

Dear Everyone,

If you have not read my previous article, “Coffee Poop,” please go back and check it out, otherwise I am pretty certain that you will be completely lost.  Is everyone caught up? Ok, good.  Why does coffee make us pee? It’s silly.  I would like to say, “Excuse me Mr. Coffee, but I am trying to read an awesome Daily Dewmont News Blog post, but you are making me pee instead.” It’s a travesty.  The urine occurs frequently, and when it does it comes out almost smelling like coffee! Is that your game Mr. Coffee? Are you trying to get us to drink our own urine?!

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love,

Otto

Bullshit named Finals

Dear Everyone,

Finals are silly.  Its a well known fact that people don’t remember things that they learn in school, they are too busy contemplating the fame of the Kardashians, and missing Breaking Bad.  Homework is for the Amish, who don’t have Facebook, twitter, or excitement to keep them busy.  Don’t worry, chances are they wont see this.  Finals can only be attributed to one of two things.  The first is that the Professors are simply ignorant.  They do not understand that we don’t know about, or care about anything that they have said over the past few months.  It is a fair enough mistake on their part, given that they are the only people in the world that enjoy fractions. I am afraid that the second possibility is a somewhat more sinister one. Professors know that you don’t care. They aren’t stupid, not most of them anyway. They know you don’t care, and they are trying to punish you. It is time to take back the end of the school year. It is time to say “no, I don’t want to take your exam Mr./Mrs. Asshole. Fight the power!
Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,
Love
Otto

Butt Cracks and Hamburgers

Dear Everyone,

Today, I saw a man with very low jeans, and seemingly no underwear.  Out of fairness, I will give him the benefit of the doubt, and say that he was wearing, just not in the right place.  I saw every bit of that mans ass crack, with threats of seeing his asshole.  It made me hungry.

Now, to be fair, it was around lunch time, but this particular hunger was a specific one.  After seeing this mans harry sweaty ass, I wanted a hamburger.  I wouldn’t have objected to a little bit of cheese on it either. So with that in mind, I leave you all with this question, what does that say more about, this mans ass, or the hamburgers that I have eaten in the past?

Yeedin Yip Yip and Shit,

Love

Otto